After going to a music school, you come to appreciate the meaning behind the songs in your life. Someone once told me that having listening to someone’s iPod on shuffle (or saved Spotify songs) is a look in to their souls. Whether it be for the rhythm or the lyrics, there is something special to every song you put on your playlist.
So here’s a few snapshots, using a few selections from my “Your Top Songs of 2016” playlist from Spotify.
“A dream is a wish your heart makes…” A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes, Lily James
The night sky lit up behind the castle at Disneyland. I laughed as they whizzed through the air in front of me and the cheers soared from the giant crowd pressed against me. Team Newton was back at the hotel, but I was in the middle of the theme park to ring in the new year. 2015 made me independent.
2016 was going to be the year when my dreams would start coming true. Not because of luck, but because I could make it on my own.
“You can take me out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of me” Dimestore Cowgirl, Kacey Musgraves
“Did you write these letters?” Dr. Prosperi asked in the middle of my fourth interview.
“I didn’t know that people did that…”
“Well honestly I thought you must have at least written the first draft,” Dr. Prosperi looked down at my file on the desk in front of her, “I mean, at first I didn’t believe that a person like you could exist. Then I met you, and well, you are very clearly as they describe you.”
“Wow,” I was surprised, “Well, that’s very kind, but yeah I did not write the letters.”
“Then you really are who they say you are Felicity.”
“You say I’m going down, but I’m feeling so fine” Looking Up, Safety Suit
Six girls gathered around an old wooden library table. The scent of new dry erase markers filled the air. Anxious voices and furious typing were the only sounds in the library that early morning. In an odd turn of events, a lab group tortured by a failed yeast experiment forged a bond that only a particularly horrible class could foster.
No worries, The Sass Queens managed to survive Cell Bio…more or less
“I learned to dance with the fear I’d been running from” Fear, Ben Rector
My body was pressed against a cold hand-made mirror as a slideshow about Audrey Hepburn played above my fellow dancers and I. This was my last show on stage for what may be a long time. My stomach was turning, and I was anxious to stand in front of that giant mirror in front of everyone, sharing my entire story with the world.
The song ended, and I faced the mirror in the darkness. The light flashed, and I stood before the mirror in a long black dress. I blinked and the music began. As I went through the motions, I realized how far I had come on this stage to be blessed to dance along such beautiful women.
A single tear fell from my eye, and I knew just how beautiful I was.
“When I’m with You I feel the real me finally breaking through.”
When I’m With You, Citizen Way
“Felicity where were you?” the undergrads yelled when I came back to the lab after lunch. They were all sitting around my desk, which now held a few sticky notes they had made for me, looking like they were going to die.
“What happened?” I tried to stay calm. Yet again I was the only “adult” in the lab.
“We spilled PFA,” one of them explained. They then rushed through the story in panicked voices. It was sort of funny since they couldn’t be hurt by their spill. Even still, I listened. They were a funny bunch, and I liked being “Lab Mom.” I still do.
“It’s I got your number, I got your back when your back’s against the wall. You mess with one man, you got us all”
Boys of Fall, Kenny Chesney
My entire body was drenched from the rain, and my arms were aching from grilling all afternoon. The band came in, and everyone around me seemed to know the arm motions and cheers. I was a bit lost, but that was ok. I had my friends to laugh and be lost with for the rest of the season.
“God, You don’t need me, but somehow You want me. Somehow that frees me to take my hands off this life and give You control.”
Control, Tenth Avenue North
“Felicity are you ok?” my friend asked me after sharing their testimony. I had not spoken for some time, which is strange for anyone who knows me.
Sometimes you don’t know what it means to be taken by the Spirit until it happens. In that moment, there are no words, there are no actions, there is nothing to be done. Only love can be filled in that space. I loved the sweet souls who came to me in this time, sharing their hearts and letting me feel what they felt.
And I was able to show my love in return. For that I am grateful.
“If we’re the reason you get scared, consider that we’ve never fared better than the fights in which we gave our all.”
Reasons, Bombadil
It’s 9:47pm on a Monday night. Only 42 degrees outside, and I am shivering in my purple peacoat on the best swingset in South Bend.
They say that being crazy is being romantic, but life is not like a Rom Com. I fell victim to this mindset, and as I sat out in the cold, my purple fingers clutching my brand new iPhone 7 in desparation, I came to the realization that I should have had years ago. Being crazy does not make you more romantic; it just makes you crazy.
“You swear that you are true, but I choose my friends over you” My Friends Over You, New Found Glory
“Come on Felicity,” Lauren stood up and walked to the side of the firepit. I had texted my friends that I needed back-up, and because they’re amazing, they came to my aid.
“I’m fine.”
“Teach me how to twerk!” Lauren insisted. When I answered with uncharacteristic silence, Hannah and Jordan joined her and the twerk lesson commenced. I looked up and laughed at the odd bouncing shadows, and because dance at its core causes the movement of the world, I ended up twerking in the shadows of a halloween party, dressed like spring when it was probably colder than 42 degrees outside.
Love Me, Yiruma
“Can you turn off the light?” I asked the last person to leave the lab. They nodded and flipped the switch as I turned my desk lamp on. My head hit the desk, and I never thought that I would stand up again. Blue sparkling rosary beads, a gift from a dear friend, dangled from my left hand as my right attempted to send a text or two.
My little brother responded last, and he was headed in to class, but he told me that God was there for me and that He was going to make things right again.
Even though they were over 400 miles away, I found love in Team Newton, enough love to turn on the lights, grab my things, and go forward. I may be independent, but I would be nowhere without my family.
“If you knock, knock me over, then I’ll get back up again,”
Get Back Up Again, Anna Kendrick
A bright pink troll bounced across the screen. She fell off a flower and was fairly beat up.
“Grad School. Right there,” Barbara laughed. Barbara and I were the only people in the theater without kids, but we were laughing and cheering and crying just like anyone else. We got out of the theater and drove off.
“Froyo?” I asked as we got in my car.
“Where’s the present in the way that you present yourself?” Do Better, Say Anything
“Participation today,” Dr. Vaughan walked in to the lab the day before Thanksgiving Break.
“What me? Good?”
“Very good,” Dr. Vaughan said. We then analyzed the speakers, and he told me that there were some students that would be overwhelmed, but he could tell that I wasn’t. I changed seats, talked, and I never felt more like myself than when I was analyzing the papers that I had been pretending to not really like all semester. Cell Biology was my favorite class again, and it was all becuase I chose to be the nerdy girl I was all my life.
“Well, I just got over the mean people,” I said, “If I’m going to be a scientist, then I am going to have to get used to being made fun of and stuff.”
“Dreams that bear the mark of love are dreams that never die” ~Moving Forward, Colony House
The Dome pulled up in the window. The first time I came to campus for Grad School, I felt joy at the sight of the Dome. Every subsequent return came up with nothing. Not because I did not like Notre Dame, but because I did not want to leave my family. I did not want to deal with people.
I had forgotten that it was my dream since I was a little girl to go to Notre Dame.
Yet this time, with my IF slides prepped in my lab, my notebook in my backpack, the love of my family in my heart, and the joy of becoming a greater person fueling my soul, I knew that all was well. I loved science, and I loved Notre Dame. Such a dream could not be snuffed by a few mistakes and a few tears.
So as the Dome came in to view, I smiled the biggest smile.
My dreams were coming true every day.
I just had to be willing to see them.
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