When Home Stopped Being Home

Being a 20 something, and I suspect beyond that, we are constantly searching. We are searching for a place to call our own. Whether it be a job or a city or an apartment, we are all searching for something.

We want to belong.

All of my life, I have identified locations as important. The first was a specific seat on a swingset. The second was the band room at Salpointe. The third was a gazebo in the middle of Belmont’s campus. The last was another specific swingset.

But the place that stole my heart was my home.

Nashville, TN.

I remember the first time I drove to Nashville by myself. Andy Grammer’s song “Back Home” came on the stereo as I came to the top of a hill and saw the Nashville skyline. My eyes watered as I recognized the city I called home.

Home was found in a gazebo, in a house, in a familiar drive to a familiar house, in a coffeeshop-

Home was a place.

This trip was different. 

I did not want to go to every “Nashville” place, nor did I think of going on long drives through the southern landscape. Instead I sat in the living room, content with watching my sister play Super Mario, watched three different lacrosse games, and happily ran errands for my parents.

In fact, when my friends asked me what there is to do in Nashville, the first thing I thought was “go to a Father Ryan Lacrosse game?”

This bothered me at first. Nashville no longer felt like “my city,” and I did not understand why. Notre Dame did not feel like “my city” either, so there had to be a place for me right? After all, everyone should have a place to call home.

The hardest part of growing up is realizing that we have “outgrown” our home. A location that once held all of our comfort and understanding is ripped from our lives, not by a specific action, but because we do not fit in that space anymore. It is not that we cannot go home, but we know that we cannot stay there any longer.

And yet we still feel like we belong.

I knew that I still belonged because of my amazing family. Not once have I felt like I did not belong at home. In fact, this trip had all of the members of Team Newton (including Kate!). My heart was completely full, and I did not want to leave their sides.


Even though I knew I was at home, Nashville did not feel like my home.

This was because home is not a location.

I realized this as I pulled up at Belmont University to thank my professors for writing my grant recommendation letters last minute. As I walked through campus, I felt a strange sense of disconnect. This had not been the case the past three visits to Nashville. I felt like I did not belong there anymore.

That was until I saw a few familiar faces.

I was welcomed in with huge hugs and smiles. People laughed and they asked me about my life. Some of these people were only in a few of my classes, and yet they were thrilled to see me.

Home is not a location.

Home is where we experience love.

No matter how long it had been, I would always belong to the Belmont community.

No matter how far I would travel, I would always be a member of Team Newton.

Each of us is going to move, change, and become more of what we are meant to be. If that means that we have to change locations, then so be it. However, that does not mean that the love that we have experienced will ever leave us. Love does not have to leave because it cannot leave.

Love is transcendent.

Love is timeless.

“God is love” ~1 John 4: 8

You see, our true home is not on this earth. Heaven is our true home. However, Heaven is not a place, at least, it is not a place that we can identify on a map. No, Heaven is complete union with God. It is being with Him for the rest of eternity. God is everywhere, whether we see it or not.

Heaven is right here

Right now. 

By choosing to love, we choose to be in communion with God. So then, when we love one another, we bring Heaven to this Earth. Each time we welcome in another soul, we find ourselves in a small piece of Heaven. We find our true home on this Earth.

Loving someone does not depend on the location.

All we need to do is be open to love.

The gazebo, the band room, all of my old family houses, all of the old swingsets, Nashville, these are all places where I opened my heart up to love in ways that I never did before. I let people in, and I was welcomed in. Tears and laughs were shared. It didn’t matter where I was, all that mattered was that I felt loved and I loved in return.

Leaving Nashville, while always challenging, was easier this time because I knew that no matter where I went, I would find love in my life. Whether it be from a phone call home or from a smile from a friend, I just needed to find love again.

And I did.

I came in to the basement with a somewhat heavy heart today, and I saw someone that I haven’t really spoken to. They gave me a genuine smile, one that reminded me of the love the Notre Dame community has poured in to my heart day by day, and I felt joy again.

You don’t have to go far to be at home.

Home is not in one place.

Text your mom, be nice to the jerk in class, forgive those who have wronged you, apologize for what you have done, and just…love others.

Home is right at your fingertips.

Home is down the hall.

Home can always be found with a little love.

While we may all be searching for more, we do not have to go far to find our true home. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, there is always a way to find love. And as you experience love more and more, the more you will feel at home on this earth. You are never alone.

Dear Reader, whomever you are, I love you.

Welcome Home.