Waiting

Waiting. Sucks.

It seems like all we do is wait. We stand in lines, we sit in waiting rooms, we plan for the future…basically everything we want comes after a long wait. What lies ahead may be something joyful. It may be painful. Regardless, we would rather be at the end than sitting in one place, slowly moving towards the end. 

No one likes it, and yet we all have to endure waiting.

Perhaps that’s why patience is a virtue.

We tend to distract ourselves whilst we wait. Whether that be work, a game on our cell phone, or even blogging, we always find something to do while we’re waiting for what we really want: for the wait to be over.

We’ll do anything to avoid thinking about the wait.

I have already spoken on how it is important to acknowledge what is right in front of us, but that was mostly in the context of mindfulness during active parts of our lives. It’s far more difficult to be mindful when all we want is for the wait to be over.

A good example of this is when you get on a crowded elevator and you have to go to a relatively high floor. Because it’s awkward to interact with strangers on the elevator, you pull out your cell phone and start playing Candy Crush (or whatever suits your fancy). After you finish your game, you look up and realize that you’ve missed your floor.

We miss a lot when we distract ourselves.

Why do we feel the need to be distracted from the wait?

We are active while waiting because we believe that we can shorten the wait, simply by doing something. We think that if there is a way to get where we want faster that we will be able to find it. The end needs to be here now. It doesn’t matter if we aren’t prepared. 

All that matters is that we get where we want to go in the time we want to be there.

Truth is….you can’t always make something happen on your own.

This is especially true when you are waiting for something that is not a physical need. As human beings in a structured society, there are many additional opportunities to wait for. These are moments in our lives that most people experience, but there is not a set time or place. We wait for relationships, higher education, a specific job, healthier bodies…many things really.

As I said, there is not a set time or place for these things, and you can’t just make them happen.

That doesn’t mean we won’t try.

I’m notoriously impatient. I also refer to myself as a female Ted Mosby. Because I know that God has called me to the vocation of marriage (which is a story for another time), I often struggle with waiting for my next relationship. When you combine impatience with hopeful romanticism, you get a restless girl who believes that she can make her husband appear out of thin air.

Last semester I prayed “The Miraculous 54 Day Rosary Novena,” which is a 54 Day prayer where I prayed a rosary every day. It’s been proven to cure diseases, introduce spouses, and save lives, so I figured that if I did this prayer that my 22.5 year wait would be over. I offered it up for the “opportunity to meet my husband.”

By the “single” status on Facebook, the prayer didn’t work.

At least, that’s how I interpreted the scenario at first

After the initial disappointment wore off, I thought about my prayers. I had prayed for “the opportunity” to meet my husband. I knew that God created this gentleman, and yet I prayed for an opportunity to meet him. 

That opportunity already existed…just not in the time I dictated.

The man could be in Florida, and it would make zero sense for him to just appear in South Bend on a random weekend in April.

I realized that I could not do anything to shorten my wait. All I could do was be in the space I was in and live. At first, I thought that I just had to stop doing anything. I figured that if God did not make anything happen for me after I spent 54 Days dutifully praying for my husband that He wanted me to stop moving all together. I felt like I had failed in some way.

My heart sank, and I felt the hope slipping from my fingers. I prayed constantly for God to take away my desire to do something, but every day I felt more and more miserable in the silence.

That is not how one should feel while they’re waiting for something so joyful.

This left me very confused. If you don’t even move in line, then you’ll just be stuck at the end. If you distract yourself on an elevator, then you miss your floor. What are we supposed to do while we are waiting then? 

I did not figure it out until I saw my little sister Cordelia’s dance recital last weekend.

Cordelia is the best young dancer I have seen. She dances with maturity far beyond her years, and she carries herself with exceptional grace. Everyone speaks highly of her. That being said, I would have expected this talented young woman to have a large role in the recital.

But she wasn’t.

She was too young to play the part.

I was pissed.

However, when Cordelia stepped on stage, my anger melted. In her chorus roles, she made the piece feel more whole. And when she did her solo, which her instructor choreographed to showcase her strengths, that little girl took an almost empty stage and filled it with her presence. Interestingly though, these moments of bright light did not showcase just how amazing Cordelia is.

It was when Cordelia had to dance in front of the younger dancers to help them remember their routine when I realized what one must do as they wait.

Many older dancers would not dance to their best ability with when they demonstrate for the novices. Cordelia, however, smiled just as bright as she did in her solo and completed each movement as if it were the most important task she had to do. Instead of distracting herself from her task or trying to move life forward in an impossible way, Cordelia did the best she could with what she had.

That’s what we are all supposed to do.

Do the best you can with what you have.

Waiting is not a space filled with nothingness; it is an opportunity to become the person at the end of the line. It is an opportunity to prepare ourselves. Even though it may not be exactly what you want, or be a perfect journey, waiting is the only way that we can naturally progress towards the future.

"Because sometimes, even if you know how something's going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride." - Ted Mosby