Mercy

For my non-Catholic friends, this past year has been a special year for the Catholic Church. It was the Jubilee of Mercy, meaning that we were called to reflect on Mercy and try to reintroduce it into our lives.

What is Mercy?

“Mercy is heartfelt sympathy for another’s distress” ~St. Thomas Aquinas

It’s fairly simply to be merciful towards people we like. A hurting friend is easy to comfort for a few reasons. 

First, you know them. You know what would hurt them, and you are aware of situations that may make their lives more difficult. Additionally, you know what makes them feel better. Whether it be a text message, sharing pictures of cute animals, or sharing a meal with them, you can easily find a way to feel for your friend.

In short, you understand your friends.

The second reason why it is easy to be merciful towards your friends is that there is little risk involved. You know that your friend will appreciate what you do for them, and they may even do something in return. Not only will your friend be happier, but you also will be happier because of it.

But what about the people you don’t know?

I can’t begin to describe how many times I have walked past someone that was struggling because I did not know them. The old man begging for change on the street corner, the freshman crying on the bench outside the library, the clearly frazzled waitress…I did not take the chance to help them because I had no clue where to begin.

The thing is-

It’s not challenging to show mercy towards someone else.

If mercy is simply sympathy for another human being, then all we need to do is show that we care. It doesn’t have to be a big ordeal.

Mercy does not mean that you fix the problem.

Mercy means that no person is alone.

The real question is, how can we show mercy to someone that has hurt us?

I personally believe that those that have hurt us are the ones that are the riskiest to show mercy to. They may not want it back, and you can get hurt.

Truthfully, the people that need mercy the most are the ones that have hurt someone else. We have all done someone wrong, whether we know it or not. Sometimes we outright offend someone, sometimes we physically hurt them, and sometimes we crush their spirits in a way they can’t get up from on their own.

Over time, these people become aware of what they have done.

And they are hurt. So very hurt.

Or maybe they never learn what they have done, but something hurts the person that hurt you. The world is rough. No one, not even the powerful people of the world, are able to avoid pain. The sad part of this is that the wrong-doers do not have anyone to care for them because they are the ones who hurt someone else. No one comes to their side. They assume that the wrong-doer is asking for attention.

And they are lonely. So very lonely.

You know you have felt this before. I know I have.

So then, what can be done to help the one who hurt you? How can you show heartfelt sympathy, or mercy, towards this person?

Forgiveness.

I have a very caring heart. I wear it on my sleeve, and while I may not let people all the way in, I do trust fairly quickly. Unfortunately, that means I am hurt far more often than I would care to admit. People see me as a happy little Christian girl, and they decide it is ok to walk all over my heart. 

They come to me when they need me, and then they just walk away, uncaring of the lonely soul left in the dirt.

On the opposite side of the coin, I also have a very empathetic heart. I have a heightened awareness to the many people around me. I notice every emotion in the near vacinity. And while I am an extrovert who loves meeting new people, large crowds and parties are difficult for me. There are just too many emotions for me to process.

When someone near me is hurting, I see it instantly.

I feel their pain.

Even the people that have hurt me.

I’ll admit, forgiving people is not easy. When I was younger, I was hurt badly by someone I thought I could trust. Instead of forgiving him, I would tell people all of the awful things he did, and I essentially alienated the kid.

I did not forgive him until a year later at my Confirmation when we walked up to Communion side by side and I simply looked at him and thought, “I forgive you.” 

I felt a weight leave my heart.

Sometimes to forgive someone, to show them mercy, does not require you to physically do something for them. Harboring anger and pain does not allow for the one that hurt you to move on with their lives, and it certainly does not help with your own healing process.

That boy did not need to hear my forgiveness in the moment. What he needed was a change in the world that reflected my mercy towards him. I never spoke ill of him again, at least, not in a way that could possibly affect his life. And as I grew up, I grew to forgive others sooner and sooner.  The people that hurt us need our love and mercy just as much, if not more than the strangers we encounter each day or our dearest friends.

There is one other person that is significantly more difficult to show mercy towards.

You

We all have this idea that we have to be perfect, and if we are not perfect in all ways, then we better be the best at least one thing. We have to have “our thing.” If not that, then we have expectations for ourselves in an area of our lives, in relationships, in a task we believe we are meant to do.

I was given a task not too long ago that I thought I could handle.

I couldn’t.

My failure consumed my thoughts and prayers. It killed me to think that I was given such a wonderful opportunity I could not complete my task. For the first time, I experienced failure in an area where no one else could help me. No one really understood because they did not live the same life as me.

I wanted to go home.

Because even if I fell, I knew that my parents would give me a hug, brush me off, and tell me to try again.

Hurt and confused, I fell apart in yoga class. I left the class and rushed to the Grotto where I collapsed on a damp kneeler. Over and over and over I apologized to God for not being the best version of myself. My body shook until it stiffened from the harsh winds rushing around me.

“What did I do?” I asked God.

He answered in silence.

I have written before about how I hear the most from God in silence. Because of my ADHD, my brain rarely can stop. I don’t rest. However, in the presence of God, my mind stops moving, and I am reminded that I can rest in my Savior.

In that silence, God’s mercy came to me.

I realized that even though I may not have done a perfect job, I did my very best. That was all I could do, and God knew that. He simply called me to be who I am. Sure, it was not the best feeling to fail, but I had held fast to His word, and I stayed true to myself.

I did my best.

Be merciful to yourselves my Dear Readers. Yes, you will fail. Yes, you will discover that your talents can only take you so far. Yes, you will make mistakes, hurt people, and force your lives to go in new directions. Even still, you are not a failure, nor have you lost everything.

You are trying your best.

And that is all you can do.

So when life is not perfect, remember that you are meant to be wherever you are. And if you are not sure what to do next, do not be afraid to just be yourself in that moment. Be your best, and you will make it through anything.

Forgive yourself.

Love yourself.

I love you Dear Reader, whomever you are. If you have hurt me, if you are my friend, or if this is me reading later…

I love you.