My Mind Doesn't Work

Fun facts: my mind isn't exactly normal.

Why? My brain developed differently. The exact mechanism is somewhat unknown.


I have ADHD. I’m very open about my diagnosis, and I make numerous jokes about my condition. However, I was not always as willing to share this information about myself. This was because of a stigma that I did not want to take.

People with developmental differences cannot be as successful as their neuro-typical peers

At least that’s what the world seems to think.

I’ll never forget the day I sat in the office of a well-respected teacher and heard just what they thought of students like myself. We were talking about interesting questions they heard in class, or weird answers to exam questions. Normally you hear about drawings on exams or rude questions in class, but the teacher described his student that had a developmental disorder, such as mine, as “learning disability" and then they said this:

“They just think on a different plane,” the teacher laughed, “I can’t believe they think they can do this type of work.”

It broke my heart.

It’s not just educators who look at ADHD or a learning disorder such as Autism (ASD) and see something “wrong.” We spend so much time focusing on how those with learning disabilities are atypical that we start to think that we have to “fix” them. We think that there is something inherently wrong with these patients, and we decide to treat them differently.

When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I fought it with everything I had. I tried to tell myself that it would go away if I exercised and slept better. The meds would be on for a short while, and then I would “get better.”

I never “got better.”

I just realized that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place.

The major difference between a person with ADHD or ASD and the rest of the world is a change in connections. This manifests in many ways, from sensory processing problems to inability to speak to decreased focus. While there may be some deficits as a result of these atypical connections, not every "misconnection" results in something wrong, or without value.

However, some of these ideas are in fact novel ideas that can change the world.

Gravity- Sir Isaac Newton

The Theory of Evolution- Charles Darwin

The Little Mermaid (the original story)- Hans Christian Andersen

In undergrad I had a professor who taught us how to make Concept Maps. After I made my concept map for the exam for extra credit, I noticed that my connections were super different from my friends initially, but eventually I got to the same conclusion as them. By working through my thought process, I realized that I was just as capable of understanding complex material as any other student.

The connections I made before were not necessarily wrong.

They were just different.

Even better, I discovered that some of the connections I made in later classes were currently being published as new ideas in Nature, Cell, and Science.

I kept those memories close as I started graduate school. While I could not stay in lab past 5:30pm, I knew that I could read papers in the evenings. Instead of hiding in the corner, taking the excuse that I had a learning disability, I chose to do what I could with what I had. The papers gave me ideas, and I let my mind go as far as it wanted to go, within reason of course.

My advisor has stopped explaining things because the ideas I came up with are completely unknown.

The ideas came from my mind: my unique mind that does not need to be changed to fit the system.

We say a lot about wanting to include “diversity.” However, until we recognize that there are many ways of thought, we will not be able to fully appreciate people who are unlike ourselves. Each person, each culture, has a unique mindset, and even if the person or culture consists of neurotypical processes, we may not be able to understand them.

Everyone has a unique mind.

Some of us may be a little more different than the rest of the world, but those differences do not have to be the end all be all.

One last example.

My little sister Penelope has a sensory processing disorder. People like my sister do not process noises, textures, or light in the same way that neuro-typical people do. A normal volume level may be too much for her to handle. The way water feels bothered her quite a bit.

While many parents would allow their child to make excuses and act differently around them, my parents helped Penelope fit in. Sure, she’s different, but that doesn’t mean that she has to wear giant earmuffs or be treated differently or not bathe.

Her differences are understood.

And yet the way she thinks still surprises me.

I went outside with Penelope over Spring Break. It was gorgeous outside, but I didn’t really think about it much. All I wanted to do was move around a little more, and Penelope wanted to go outside and be in the sun, so here we were, playing tag outside.

Once I got bored, I told Penelope that I wanted to go inside.

She looked at me and said, “But Felicity. It’s beautiful outside.”

“Yes?” I was confused as to why Penelope was so adament about it, so I asked her what was so beautiful outside.

Penelope described how colorful it was outside, how the sun felt good on her skin, and how the wind made her hair feel different. Becuase she processes senses differently, Penelope is able to see the world in a more beautiful way. It would take me much longer to recognize the beauty of a spring day, but Penelope could just feel it.

By taking a moment to understand how Penelope’s mind processed the world, my front yard became a more beautiful place.

Maybe if we took some time to understand the thoughts of those around us, we too may find more beauty in this world.