FOMO

The adult world is a lonely place.

It’s not because we can’t find people to communicate with or events to attend or are too weird to make any friends. It’s because we have too many people, too many events, and too many complexities to understand in such a short amount of time.

All of these incoming sources lead to one of the biggest problems this generation faces:

FOMO: The Fear of Missing Out

Many of us try to combat the loneliness by meeting as many people as possible, going to every event we can, talking to everyone on the internet, taking on new responsibilites in the community, and attempting to be a critical part of each group we enter. Whether we are extroverted or not, some aspect of us wants to be the most important person in the community where we are placed.

We want to be needed.

Not wanted.

I am particularly susceptible to FOMO. As an extrovert that has been advised to not spend more than six hours waking on my own, I find myself trying to interact with every human. Because I am such an empathetic person, I often find the loneliest person in the room, the most disconnected parts of the community, and the underdogs in some unneccessary dramatic situation.

They need me, I thought to myself.

“And if they need me, then I will never be left out” was my next thought

It was such an honor to bring the downtrodden in to communities. I loved facilitating relationship building, and I was good at it. People trusted me with their friendships, and a few even let me set them up with people and are still together.

I made a lot of communities, but I never made myself a part of them.

People needed me for a time, and in time I helped replace myself with someone better suited for the lifestyle they desired.

In time, these communities started to create their own events, own customs, own inside jokes, own culture. Where was I? Sitting on my bed, scrolling through countless photos of friendships I created but never became a part of. By choosing to be solely a person that people needed, I lost the quality which made me desirable: being Felicity.

When people merely need you, they do not learn anything about who you are. They can’t think of you when they see a funny meme, read an interesting article, or have no one else to invite to an event.

Sure, you can go to everything and talk to everyone, but unless you take the time to foster relationships with people who want to know you as a person, then you’ll miss out on the experiences you are so desparate to be a part of.

Because you aren’t there.

Now that doesn’t mean you should be a shut-in and avoid everyone. You can cultivate an acquaintence with anyone you meet, but you can actively choose who you share your life with. Jesus loves us all, but He only had 12 best friends on Earth. Of course go to events, but take the time to have a full conversation with a person that wants to understand you or you want to understand better.

One solid conversation at a party trumps numerous dance partners.

To grow close to someone doesn’t just benefit you; it also benefits the person you are connecting with. After all, we all want to be understood, and if we know that there is at least one person who gets it, then we don’t feel all alone.

“Friendship is unneccessary, like philosophy, like art….It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” ~CS Lewis

Even though I failed to foster some deeper relationships on my own, there were some souls who sought me out on their own. They would ask me to simply sit with them as they worked, talk to me about faith, danced next to me at parties when I was the only one who wanted to dance, and actually took the time to understand how I see the world.

I don’t understand the world like most people.

I don’t live like most people.

But the souls who took the time to get to know me brought me in to their world, helped me understand the world, stay up to date with slang and pop culture, smile brighter, and allowed me to shine for others to see.

Because I knew people were behind me, I did not fear letting my freak flag fly.

You may be wondering how we can practically get to know our neighbors in such an intentional way. I make it sound like these souls who have stayed in my life over the couse of this past year and a quarter did incredible things. The truth is, they merely did little things that reminded me of my worth and that I was wanted, not needed.

You can’t start a friendship by going deep first thing. I have done that a million times, and I can honestly say that I speak to none of these people anymore. However, you can talk about the little things you love and the little things you hate.

It’s the little pieces of our hearts that make us who we are.

And each piece of our hearts has numerous matching pieces in the hearts of those around us.

The souls that I have been blessed by this past year and a half have shown me what it means to share your heart to a chosen few. As I said, they only shared little pieces of their lives and asked me to do the same.

But they something else.

They remembered.

It’s an amazing feeling when someone takes the time to talk to you, to remember what makes you who you are, and actually is able to recall that information later on. I’m still star struck that there was someone who remembered why I don’t drink and quoted me verbatim several months later. Being tagged in a meme about something seemingly unimportant to the world is one of my greatest joys as a millenial.

So then what can we do for others?

Talk to them. Remember who they are, why they do what they do, and recall that information for them to hear.

Sometimes that is all we need to remember that we are special and belong in this world.

You don’t need to be the most important person in every circle to every person. You do not need to be needed. Because when you take the time to show someone that you want them there, they can do the same for you. You may not be everyone’s favorite person, but you can become anyone’s first choice. Just be yourself, be honest with those around you, and give them the chance to do the same in return.

It’s better to be wanted by one person than needed by dozens.

Thank you to the chosen few who have shown me just how beautiful it is to be wanted.