Call It What You Want

A few months ago I wrote about labels and how they impede our ability to live life to the fullest. Just to review real quickly, we are the only ones who see our labels, and if we let the world tell us who we are, then people lose the opportunity to get to know our true selves.

You are worth far more than the label you come up with.

You are worth even more than the labels others give you.

But as always…there is more to the story.

As I said, we like to give some form of label to everyone around us. Labeling others typically happens right when we meet someone. That’s why they say that first impressions are so important; they inform others about who we are and what to expect from us. It is not a bad thing that we create a label for the person in front of us. Without any background knowledge, it would be impossible to properly approach someone.

For example, if your first interaction with someone revealed that they were a vegetarian, then you probably wouldn’t suggest they come eat Chicken and Waffles with you the next night.

It’s not wrong to have an informed opinion, but leaving a label on someone and focusing your entire attention to that one detail makes them a one-dimensional figure.

First impressions rarely reflect the full person. First experiences rarely reflect the full relationship. Therefore, the labels that we use to inform our first interactions with someone are unlikely to be sufficient in the future. We cannot talk to them about their food preferences forever, and we cannot associate a person solely with their career.

More importantly, everyone should be allowed to be authentic.

We should allow those around us to surprise us with their true selves.

But we cannot be open to those experiences if we keep trying to label everything.

The most prominent example of this issue is Taylor Swift. Every single interaction she had with a man suddenly became a whirlwind romance, and every song she wrote was quickly associated with the man she supposedly loved. Even if she was inspired by these relationships, no one really understood the whole story. The only people who would understand the story would be Taylor and whomever she dated.

It was not our story to tell, and yet we tried to tell the story anyways.

Crippled by the labels, Taylor took time away from the spotlight. No one knew what she was doing in that time, but people made assumptions. Many people, myself included, thought that she was suffering and lonely.

But she wasn’t.

She was living her best life, loving and living and writing and growing. Whether you like her new music or not, all of her new songs reflect a more confident woman.

And she doesn’t care which labels are thrown at her relationships.

“My baby’s fit like a daydream/walking with his head down/I’m the one he’s walking to…

So Call It What You Want”

~Taylor Swift

The fact of the matter is that there is no point to putting a label on everyone and everything. Of course, Defining the Relationship (DTR) is super important, but it is not everything. When we force a label on a situation we run the risk of confining others in to a box. We tell ourselves that if someone is only our colleague that we could never be their friend. We tell ourselves that if someone is only our crush that we could never just have a friendly interaction.

By forcing someone in to a box, we lose the chance to share memories with those who have been given to us.

By trying to define every single interaction, every single moment, every single relationship, we cheapen the gift of encountering a beautiful soul that was made to be loved.

Again, I’m not saying that labels are a bad thing, but they are not everything.

There is a certain irony to me writing this post. I’m the absolute worst when it comes to labeling. As a biologist, there has to be a reason for everything. Every result, even a failed experiment, has to have meaning. Each hypothesis has to come up with a significant result. Each question needs an answer, and with each answer comes a new question.

Every detail to life has to have a label, a protein, a pathway, a complex, a cell type…the list could go on forever.

This is a good thing for biology because these pathways and such can lead to novel therapies. These questions lead to even greater ideas, and they shape our lives for the better. Unfortunately for me, biological reasoning is not the best way to approach life. Although Biology is the “study of life,” we cannot live our lives like an experiment.

Every life already has a p-value that is < 0.001.

Just by existing, a life is significant. Just by happening, an experience is valuable. Just by living as God called me to, I am important and loved.

But why?

Let me take a side-bar.

I love swing-sets.This past weekend someone asked me why I loved swing-sets. More specifically, they asked why I would say one swing-set was #1 while another was #2. I had never really considered the question, so I went straight in to the biological mindset and gave very specific answers. From the stability of the seat to the tensile strength of the rope/chain, I described my favorite swing-sets.

“So it…feels right?” they said.

“Yes!” I laughed, “I had never really thought of why I love swing-sets. I just…love them I guess.”

So why is each life important? Why is each experience important? Why is every little interaction more significant than the label we give it?

Because love is present.

We do not need to attach some big meaning, some insufficient label, to a moment in our lives. We do not need to describe the significance of the souls we encounter. Just like my swingsets that can be described in excruciating detail, these moments and souls to share them with can be analyzed and labeled excessively.

But no matter how much we want to label it…give it a why…

It will never be more sufficient than love.

In order to allow others to live without a label, we have to be willing to love them. In order to allow our lives to become significant to ourselves, we have to love ourseles. We have to be willing to accept that there is no need to label everything, explain everything, or go above and beyond to define an experience.

All we need is to accept love.

And what is love?

God is love. In every moment of our lives, God is present. He is there, whispering in to our hearts to hope for the future. He is there, whispering in to our hearts that all is well. He is there saying that it is going to be ok and that you are loved. He gave us each person and experience and talent we have.

We do not need labels.

We just need to let God love us and take our time.

We may not all sell the most albums in a week in history, but we will be happier than we ever were before.