In Between

The hardest part of life is the “in between.” No matter what two states we are in between, adult or child, friends or dating, hired or intern, we all want to know what is going to happen next.

Some of us have the patience to accept the in between, but many of us would rather have all of the answers, all of the ends, and all of the understanding that comes at the end of the story. After all, the world moves far too fast for us to let things work themselves out naturally right?

Of course not.

“Life is not the mountaintops, it’s the walking in between” ~I Like You, Ben Rector

Dust fell around my head as the construction workers attempted to install new smoke detectors in my lab. They said that I could work while they worked, so there I was, attempting to get my work done according to my schedule. But as more dust fell in to my long abandoned coffee cup, I knew that I could not be in the same space anymore.

With a slight huff, I picked up my bag and left to review grants on the bike at the gym.

As I got to the doorway, I could see a visible change in the workers. They took stronger swings at the roof, and they had started to literally stand on my lab bench. Because they were not hindered by the fear of hurting the biologist who thinks a 7am assay is normal, they were able to work more confidently and efficiently.

I came back an hour later to several new smoke detectors in the ceiling.

They would not have completed their task had I stayed in that space.

It’s the walking in between

Sometimes being in a place requires us to move around. We have to be willing to walk through the “in between.” I’ll admit, it is scary to stray from the original path when you have a pretty clear vision of what you want the most is right in front of you. To move in an unconventional path in the in between risks us losing time.

But the truth is that we are not walking alone in the “in between”

The next lyric in that song is “I like you walking next to me.” No matter how much we want to believe that our journeys are autnomous, that just is not the case. Every person we encounter as we become the person we are meant to be is just as much in the “in between” as we are. Just like the construction workers attempting to work around the stubborn biologist, there are people in our lives that want to reach the same mountaintops as us.

But sometimes we have to go out of our way to help them get there.

Even if it takes some time out of your plan or leads you to an unexpected soul, it works out in the end.

I have spoken many times before about how I had to take care of my twelve undergraduates in the spring of my first year. My project was finally moving forward when I was handed far more than I thought I could handle. I did not want to change my trajectory, so I worked myself to the bone (literally) trying to complete five different projects at once. On top of that, I was teaching sophomores how to do research, completing mouse training, and still trying to pass my classes.

After too many tears, I decided to stop.

And I moved towards my undergraduates instead.

Instead of worrying about my own experiments, I took the time to help my undergrads understand their research questions. I took the time to tell them that I was there for them, and I helped them learn to believe in themselves. I shared my failures with them, and in time, they were doing some of the best research I had seen come out of my lab.

Taking a step off of our paths, when taken out of love, is what allows us to grow. It is what allows us to become who we are meant to be. It is what helps us reach our mountaintops with the ones that we have the blessing to share our lives with.

In those seven months, I gained 12 friends, and I learned more about my project than I ever did before.

When we go outside of ourselves and allow others in to our “in betweens,” we open our hearts up to the possibility of something more. Sometimes we even find a short cut to the mountain that we would not have seen otherwise. All it takes is accepting that there is so much more to the life than the horizons we create for ourselves.

Those seven months revolutionized the way I approached science. 

The bench was no longer an intellectual experience, but rather it was a place where I could give back to all of the people who have made my life better. It was a place where I could help those who could not help themselves. Science became far greater than a career.

My vocation as a cellular biologist doing high-power research no longer seemed too good to be true anymore.

Now there is an important point that is very easy to forget. We have to be careful when we move from where we were. If we choose to go outside of ourselves, it needs to be out of love and understanding for those around us. We should not change our lives out of fear for the future.

“But wait, everything can change in a moment’s time. 

You don’t have to be afraid

‘Cause fear is just a lie.

Open up your eyes.”

~Strong Enough to Save, Tenth Avenue North

If we ignore our end goals, then we run the risk of losing ourselves.Yes, it is valuable to make changes and to engage those around us, but we are still growing. The in betweens of our lives are the times that allow us to find who God made us to be. When we take a step off of our path, we are are still going towards something greater.

Sometimes we just need to stay put, even if it is scary.

Sometimes we just need to keep walking, even if it is difficult.

When I was younger, I had this little dream of working alongside my father. However, as I continued to walk down the path of academia, it became apparent that I was not meant to be a physician like him, but rather I was called to basic science. It was difficult to admit, but once I got in to the lab and started working, I knew that this was where I belonged.

I went thorugh the unhappy phases, and I made discoveries. The unexpected happened.

My most recent discovery brought me to a project that likely will end in a collaboration with my father.

Sometimes we just have to rest in the “in between.” For it is in the unmaking of our paths that allows us to reach our full potential. It is the tangents that we take with the souls entrusted to us that allow us to learn to love as we ought to. It is the “in between” that teaches us the lessons we need to make our dreams come true.

We may think that we are losing when we are in the “in between.” The truth is that we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

So take risks.

“What happens next when

all of You, is all that’s left…

This is the unmaking

the beauty in the breaking

Had to lose myself to find our who You are”

~The Unmaking, Nichole Nordeman

Stop letting your fear hold you back. Share your life with others. Help your younger co-workers. Dive in to the job you have laid out before you. Really try to understand how your body is responding to the medication your psychiatrist prescribed. Pray with all of your heart.

You will reach the mountaintops.

And I’ll be right there with you Dear Reader.

“Sometimes I'm my mother's daughter, sometimes I'm her friend

Sometimes I play grown up and sometimes I play pretend

Sometimes I'm a princess dressed all curves

And sometimes I just wanna scream “I'm not a little girl!“

Dumb enough to think I know it all

Smart enough to know I don't

Young enough to think I'll live forever

Old enough to know I won’t”

~In Between, Kelsea Ballerini