Of ASCB and Heaven

I had a friend in college who used to say, “We will all know each others’ stories in Heaven. We will all pray for one another in Heaven. Why not live like we’re already there?”

I caught a glimpse of Heaven at ASCB.

Despite its rising claim to fame as a high power research institution, Notre Dame is not really known for Cell Biology. In fact, only two labs remain as regular attendees at the American Society for Cell Biology meeting, or ASCB for short.

I had been looking forward to this meeting ever since Dr. Vaughan mentioned it. 

I love learning from other fields and gaining insights in unique ways, but I longed for the familiarity of words like “COS-7 cells” and “wide view fluorescence microscopy” in a way I never really could explain. I had been to ASCB sponsored meetings before, but this was different. This was a meeting for all Cell Biologists, not just the ones in the near area or in a niche field.

I was nervous. This was the first time I would be sharing the second part of the STARD9 story, and I would be sharing this story with some of the top researchers in all fields of cell biology.

However, as I went through the sessions proceeding my talk, I felt that fear drop away.

From the back row I watched as strong women shared the stories of their lab’s work. I’ve been teased for being so happy in my presentations, but these women were some of the most respected researchers in their fields. They smiled, and they laughed, and they joked about their own work. They admitted when their post doc understood the work better than they did, and they were not afraid to make waves in the field.

I watched dogma changing before my eyes, and it was all by strong scientists who had a community to back them and their eyes focused on something greater than themselves.

I even heard a presenter speak of a higher power…in front of a room filled from wall to wall.

Not only did I witness people like myself speaking and sharing their stories, but I sat beside students just like me. These were kids who were struggling to get funding for their basic work, but joking all the time. These were kids who were shocked by the phrase “transmembrane kinesin” and laughed at microtubule jokes. These were kids just like me, excited about science and dreaming of becoming the professors on the podium.

No one knew my name, but they included me. If I went to their poster, they would greet me in the halls. If I sat with them at a meal, they would sit with me in the sessions.

The community wasn’t just restricted to graduate students. Over and over again I watched as professors would run up and hug one another. I watched old men cracking jokes about their struggles and attend one anothers’ sessions, even if their fields were wildly different. My advisor introduce me to dozens of his friends, and they all came to my talk even if only for a slide.

In a world where cell biology is pushed aside for more specialized forms of cellular biology, it seemed as though we were finally able to be our true scientific selves.

Even the biggest names in cancer research seemed more relaxed here than I ever saw them before.

In Heaven, we will all be one in God. Our stories will be known, loved, and understood in a pure and clear way. As I sat in the rooms and watched some of the greatest names in science share their stories with such peace, I could only imagine how joyful we would feel in Heaven where we will come to understand how God’s love and mercy acted throughout our entire lives.

I saw the joy of Communion at ASCB.

Sure, there were people who were competing with one another. Sure there was criticism and conflict, but there was a general understanding that everyone in that convention center was seeking the Truth.

I could see the stress on their faces as they were questioned.

But when the feuding pairs reached an understanding, one that challenged dogma yet seemed to reach the Truth, the tension faded away. We were here for the Truth, not just some semblance of it.

Then it came time to share my story.

11:10am in room 29c. Because of the community I fostered between new friends and my advisor’s friends, the room was packed from wall to wall. Due to a bad side effect of my medication, I felt like I was going to faint. However, as I slide my hand to my heart and pressed my pinky finger on the Rosary I stuffed in my bra, I fell in to place. 

God gave me this community, and He gave me this research. It was time for me to not only share my science but also share His glory in Creation. It was time to be just like those strong women I watched for two days prior to myself.

“A motor, in the lysosomal membrane, that can bind cholesterol,” I emphasized and turned to the room, “It seems like the perfect protein to drive tubulation.”

I saw eyes widen, professors lean forward in their chairs, and my advisor smile.

“Good job on your talk!” Dr. Kristen Verhey, my cytoskeleton idol, smiled at me as we passed after the talk, “It was very interesting.”

She was not the only one to praise my story. I gave a poster the following day, and people were coming to my poster in waves. My advisor came running with water and caffeine and helped pushed people away so I could use the restroom. 

Over and over I heard people praise my story.

Not only that, but they found ways to connect to my story that I could never have predicted. Is that not just like how it feels when we encounter a Saint who struggled and prayed just like us? Despite the distance between Heaven and Earth, there is always a way to connect to our Heavenly Family.

All it takes is sharing our story for the world to hear.

God will give us the words so long as we listen.

A lot of times the student is just considered a reflection of their advisor. More often than not, when a student is questioned, it is because the inquirer does not agree with their mentor’s hypothesis or methodology. However, as my fellow cell biologists came up to talk about my story, I started to realize that they did not see me as just a copy of my advisor or an extension of the story from the previous graduate students and post doc’s.

They heard me praise our former lab members and the many gifts that came together to make my story what it is today.

They saw and heard me as an individual.

All along, however, they would look in to my eyes and ask where the story came from in the first place. No amount of data or background seemed to satisfy them. Sure, I know that some of them were envious that our lab found the answer first, but I also knew that they were genuinely interested in how the answer came to be.

I wished I had been strong enough to say that God gave me these answers in an Adoration Chapel and in the middle of presentation about Mary and the Saints, but it was not the time nor the place.

His little ones will come Home soon.

After two and a half hours of questions, I finally had a moment to rush to the restroom. As I sprinted, I made the Sign of the Cross, and I started to whisper the Divine Praises over and over to myself. I did not stop whispering this prayer until the end of the poster session three hours later. Here in this community I saw a piece of Heaven, and it was all by the grace of God that I was able to participate.

I am not a reflection of my advisor

I am a reflection of Jesus Christ, my Savior.

My dad told me once that many of the best physicians were fellow Christians. Now I see that in the sciences. It is not because God loves us more, but it is because all we want is to see Him in the world, to touch Him in some way, to participate in His Creation. The physicians care for His People, and we the scientists care for His Creation in the smallest of ways.

So when a Christian uncovers His glory in Creation…people see us.

But they do not see us…they see Him.

“Blessed be God.

Blessed be His holy Name.

Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man.

Blessed be the Name of Jesus.

Blessed be His Most Sacred heart.

Blessed be His Most Precious Blood.

Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.

Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete.

Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most Holy.

Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception.

Blessed be her Glorious Assumption.

Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.

Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse.

Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints.

Amen.”

Seeing Differently

As a Catholic Scientist, I have heard hundreds of pieces on why Faith and Science are compatible. In practice, however, I have seen very little support of any faith within science. Many of my peers deem religion as "illogical" or "impractical."

I cannot speak about other faith traditions, but I do know this: if it were not for my Catholic Faith, I would have nothing to offer the scientific community.

Despite the need for evangelization in the sciences, we Catholics are often told to be silent about our faith. We are told that people will come to the Truth by witnessing our lives. They say that we should answer when people ask us what brings us hope, what gives us joy, what gives us life, but we are not meant to share how our faith impacts anything outside the spiritual.

But our faith does change our vision of the world.

By Baptism and Confirmation, we are given the Spirit of Wisdom. We are given the graces to receive a "God's-eye view" on His creation. We see the world in a different way, whether we want to believe that or not.

Scientist or not...you've been changed and you've been called to bring others Home through your work.

For so long I have watched as souls wandered away from my Jesus. They say that there was no logic behind it. They say that there was too much suffering. They say that there was too much sin in the Church. They say that Faith is a fool's game. They say that there is nothing God can do for them that they cannot do for themselves.

They choose to be alone, to close their eyes, to put all of their burden upon their shoulders.

No longer can they see the goodness Our God made for them....not like before.

One of our investors came in to the office to talk to my advisor and I about our project. When we met for the first time, my advisor only knew the basics of what I did to create our model. He did not hear my biological reasoning for the treatment regiment I designed, nor did he know why I even started where I did. During this second meeting, my advisor told our investor that we had a hit that was effective and appeared to target what we wanted to investigate.

She looked at me and then back at my advisor, "So quickly?"

"Felicity just sees the world differently. She notices things that others cannot," he said with a smile. It was by and far the greatest compliment I ever received from my advisor, but not for the reasons everyone would think. 

He was complimenting my God, not me.

I am only successful because of my faith. From the beginning of my graduate work to today, I have known that I was not called here just to do science. I was called to be a scientist to share with the world how the Gospel is far more than a happy story or a strange belief. I was called here to be there for the lost and the lonely, to remind souls that there is something more than what we hold in our hands.

God made me a scientist to reveal His presence in each and every one of our cells.

And it is that fact that made me successful.

My hypothesis came from the Paschal Mystery. Although I cannot share the science behind the theory, I will say that every single one of my hypotheses stems from the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. I use scientific terms, but they are merely a means of revealing the glory of God in His Creation.

The problem is that we compartmentalize Christ. We tell ourselves that our work has nothing to do with Him, and we make it something completely secular and earthly.

But that's just not true.

When we give our lives to Christ, we have to give Him everything. We give Him our hearts, our minds, and our bodies. We give Him our thoughts, our fears, our dreams, and our work. We give Him each and every moment of our lives, whether we choose to accept that or not. We are His forever.

There are so many of us that are just giving the bare minimum to Christ. However, when we give Him everything, He will do amazing things for us.

We will be mocked, but we will not be hurt.

Today I was feeling particularly alone in the Faith. I had my Wednesday Holy Hour, and I asked Jesus to show me my heart and to tell me what I needed to hear. I was expecting something from a random prophet, but instead I flipped to the story of the woman with the alabaster jar. She did what we are called to do by giving Him everything.

People scoffed at her, but Jesus said this:

"Why do you make trouble for the woman? She has done a good thing for Me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have Me. In pouring this perfumed oil upon My body, she did it to prepare Me for burial. Amen, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be spoken of, in memory of her." (Matthew 26:10-13)

I do not care if people look down on me for the way I work. I do not care if I look like a fool. I do not care if I waste "my precious time" by spending time with and for The Lord. He gave me His entire life, and He put His Passion in each and every cell of my body.

Is that not enough to give Him everything back?

Regardless of our career, Jesus is there in the work. He is there, standing beside us, residing in our hearts, supporting the good we do for the world. It does not matter how large the task or how small the impact; Christ is there in its goodness.

If we give everything simply for those around us, we will lose sight of Him...we will not always have Him.

But if we give Him everything...we will have Him forever and our names will be written in Heaven.

You don't have to do this work alone Dear Reader. Christ is with you. Peace be with you.

All The Small Things

So many of us feel to small to make a difference. Most millenials are at the bottom of the totem pole, wondering when they will have more responsibilities. Anyone in graduate school is aware that they are the bottom of the bottom, sometimes even having less influence than the undergraduate volunteers.

When we’re in the rough, it feels like there is no real value to our contribution.

Biomedical researchers, such as myself and many of my peers at Notre Dame, often feel so separated from the patients that it seems like we don’t really have any connection to treatment, nor do we recognize that there is any value to our work in the eyes of those patients.

We know that it takes decades to get a drug on the market

And sometimes those treatments are ineffective once moved to human patients.

When we see ourselves as too small, we tend to try to do more of what we have, just to matter a little bit more. Instead of trying to be the most effective with what little we have, we choose to over-do it. We burn ourselves out.

We get worse.

From June to October, I worked in this way. I told myself that if I just got the little things done that I would finally be able to work on my “big idea” that would “matter more.” My advisor turned me down, and I understood. The hypothesis was not part of our mission, and we had to take our priorities seriously.

Nonetheless, I was burnt out

But then I went home for a wedding, wherein I had a conversation which changed my perspective on work in a way that all of us need to hear every once in a while.

I was sitting in a hole-in-the-wall place in East Nashville with the wedding party. One of the grooms folk asked me what my research was on. Because I never dismiss an opportunity to tell my story, I shared the story of the Vaughan lab and its mission to create a targeted therapy for Niemann Pick Type C.

“Wow,” the girl looked down at her hot chicken, “You must really feel the weight of responsibility with that project.”

“Oh no…” I shook my head, “I’m very removed from the patients. The treatment won’t become a thing for at least fifteen years. What I really want to do-“

“No no,” the girl interrupted me before I could go down my rabbit-hole of self-pity, “Your work is important. These are the first studies towards a drug. You said those kids are in pain and don’t have any medicine? Your work…that gives them-“

“Hope,” I interrupted this time.

I did not listen to the girl’s response. My mind went silent, and I felt my blood pressure decrease. Sure, the drug concentrations and the extra assays were tedious, but they were important. Each experiment told the exact same story, but with each confirmation, the patients had more and more evidence to believe in a new therapy, one that did not exist before.

Hope increases with constant little reminders of the good.

All of my little work, all little work, means something to the world.

“But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming,” 

~Ted Mosby

In relationships, it’s not the big moments that define the relationship, but rather it is the many small details that reveal the truth of the relationship. In science, it’s not just the drugs that improve treatments, but rather it is the many clinical trials and small experiments that improve prognosis and patient health. In life, it is not the most powerful nor the most visible things that change the world, but rather it is the many small people and actions that make life happier.

It’s ok to be the little guy for a little while.

Because you are important to someone. You are a source of hope and joy to someone, no matter how insignificant you think your work or your impact may be.

Swings: A Felicity Moment

I love swing sets.

I’m fairly certain that I have written about my love for swing sets before, but it’s never a bad idea to revisit joyful little aspects of our lives. After all, we not everything has to be a big deal, nor does everything have to have a major impact on our hearts. Sometimes there are little things that make life just a little bit happier.

And for me, many of those moments involve a swing set.

Many of us, myself included, think of swing sets as something that young children play on. We forget that there are swing sets for babies and for toddlers and for children and even for adults! Just because many of us associate swings with childhood doesn’t mean that it should be isolated to our vague memories of sitting on a swing set during recess.

Because our time on a swing set actually had a lot more to it.

Swing sets actually require a bit of development.

Babies and toddlers are strapped in to the swing, and the only way they will move is if someone else helps them move. Some are terrified of the swing. Others absolutely love the swing, and they will sleep for hours in an automated swing in their nursery. However, these little ones are completely unable to move on their own. 

They may want to move, but they do not know how.

And it is the responsibility of their caretakers to give them the push they need to start moving.

Then, as the child grows up and gains independence, they are faced with a new challenge: starting the swing on their own. Despite the simplicity of a swing set, most children struggle to even move.

So their caretakers give them a little push and encourage them to start to pump their legs on their own.

But they get tired. In their frustration, they will look to the other children still being pushed by their parents. Maybe they don’t need to actually learn how to play on their won.

And they give up.

I think this is a lot like how we live our spiritual lives. As young babies or children, we are encouraged by our parents and by God Himself. We are weak in spirit, and we do not understand the gifts we have been given. So we are given a push.

Like most babies, we have to adjust to the sensation of swinging back and forth, but in time..we find our way to the swing set on our own.

Some of us are blessed with the opportunity to be pushed by God and our communities for a long time before we are called to do something for ourselves. We live in a state of consolation for so long that we forget that to believe in something is far more than feeling good or happy or free. It’s a choice that isn’t easy.

And as we grow up in our faith, we are called to start to swing on our own.

We’re given a time of desolation.

By desolation, I do not mean sadness, but rather I mean that the presence of God in our lives and in our world is called in to question. We do not sense it in the same way. This certainly can make us feel sad, but that is not always the case. If anything, our culture’s sense of desolation sounds more like,

“Well it doesn’t really make sense for God to be here, and those without faith seem just as happy as me. Maybe I don’t need God after all.”

And so we slip away.

Not because we have bad intentions, but because the “go-with-the-flow” mentality of our spirituality does not work anymore. God called us to live out our true purpose, to work with Him to bring His love and mercy in to the world, and yet we choose to walk away.

How does the disgruntled child end up on the swing set again?

Someone asks them to play with them.

One of the reasons why I love swing sets is because playing on the swings is rarely a solitary activity. Sure, you ride the swing on your won, and yes you can spend time on the swing alone, but most of us find our way on to the swing and learn how to play as a part of a community, a family, a people.

“Front back, front back,” little Felicity sang from the swing set in her backyard. Little Mark, her brother, was learning to swing on his own, and she was going to help him.

Within a week, Mark was flying higher than even Felicity could.

And you would think that little Felicity would be frustrated by that, and in a way she was, but she knew that he learned to swing with her. She would just have to work a little harder to make her body move as quickly as Mark did. 

Together, they would fly higher than they would on their own.

On playgrounds all across the nation, there are children inviting their friends to play on the swings with them. Some are patiently waiting for their friend to figure out how to use the swing set. Others walk away in frustration, but they will come back to see their friend on the swings again.

And once we learn to swing, we rarely, if ever, forget how to fly.

Children and adults alike are flying on the ground because someone helped them learn to swing. They were given a push in to the unknown, but they were not left alone forever.

If a child can invite someone to swing with them, then why can’t we invite someone to pray wit us?

There are thousands of people leaving the Faith a year. Not because there is something fundamentally wrong with it, but because they were called to have a deeper relationship with Christ, and no one was there to celebrate that with them. So few of us are asking others to play with us that there is not enough support for those who just need a hand to hold.

We tell ourselves that we just want to sit on the swing set on our own.

But…a child would not let someone sit on the swings by themselves.

I love swing sets because they remind me of how much love there is in this world. 

My parents pushed me on the swing, and they brought me in to The Church at four days old. My siblings sat next to me and sang songs until they could fly in the sky, and they have prayed with and for me throughout our entire lives. My friends came to the swings with me, and they have supported my faith every step of the way.

I think we like swings because they give us something simple to smile about.

We just forgot how much more there was to that little thing.

It’s the opposite with faith. We see how complex it is, with the politics, the sins, the rules, the Scriptures, the churches, the people, and we forget how simple it is. Yes, each of these complex things is crucial for our understanding of God…but it actually is far more simple than most of us wants to admit.

God loves you.

He loves everyone just the same.

We look back to the swings because we know the joy of a swing set. A child would not let their friend go through life without having that same joy. I’ve seen adults teach one another how to ride a swing set because they want to their friend to share in that joy. However, we do not do the same for our Faith, which brings us eternal joy that cannot be taken from us.

We need to start treating the Faith more like a swing set.

Why are we letting people go through life without the joy of the Gospel, without the nourishment of the Blessed Sacrament, without the community of the Saints and Angels?

I am still learning how to welcome more people on to the “Swing Set of Faith,” but I know that life is better with another soul smiling than when I am sitting alone.

Dear Reader, if it’s been a while…know that I am here on the swings waiting for you to come play with me. And if you’re scared…that’s ok. 

God the Father will give you the push you need to get started again.

Playlists: A Felicity and Mama Moment

My mom’s an incredible woman. 

This may be a charism of Motherhood, but my mom has this innate ability to hear what each child needs before they even say it. Not only that, but she knows how to respond to each child in a unique and beautiful way. Sometimes that it is in a firm yet tender statement, and other times it is through an experience.

There is one moment that shaped a lot of my life, a moment that I would not have predicted to change my heart and my ability to love others.

My anxiety, caused by an inability to focus and far too many irrational fears, left me hiding in the corner of my living room day after day. I would go to dance class and excel in the classroom, but I was in constant fear of going out in to public.

Now I know that I am meant to go out, to speak love to others, to share the joy of a life lived in Faith, but I would not have become this woman without my mother.

The Lizzie McGuire just came out, and we bought the soundtrack.

The first song, “Why Not” started to play, and when the chorus finished, my mom turned down the song and said, “Felicity this song is for you. Listen again.”

“Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? If you lose the moment You may lose a lot. So why not? Why not?” ~Why Not, Hillary Duff

Therapy is great, but really only when it is addressing the real issue. My anxiety was not caused by the same source as Generalized Anxiety, so I did not gain as much as I needed. It was this song, played on repeat in our car until I understood that I needed to live my life out loud, that helped me overcome my anxieties and become a happy little tap dancer.

This was not the first time my mother used music to speak to my heart. 

My first break-up playlist was one of the most empowering playlists I ever listened to. My desire to listen to hymns and listen to country music is based on my mom’s loving ear. From elementary school on, I listened more closely to lyrics, to the beat of a song, and to the way it affected each person around me.

Now I make playlists for everything.

I am far from a music major, let alone a musician, but I was raised by an incredible mother with a listening heart. I am far from a listener, but I was raised by someone who could sing with me in the car. I learned to listen to the experiences, to the joy and the sorrow of a room.

After many years of sharing the stereo with music majors and friends from all walks of life, I now listen to nearly every genre.

You can find something special in every song, in every genre, in every playlist. 

Not just because the song has something profound to say or the musicianship is incredible, but because each piece of music shares a piece of someone’s heart. Musicians work hard to share their story with the world, and some even have the ability to tell the stories of those around them. When we take time to listen to a genre, to a song, to a playlist, we can see the essence of someone’s story.

Stories are not meant to be left in the shadows.

Stories are meant to be shared with the world.

Making playlists and running the stereo are Felicity Moments because they are the simplest way for me to share my love for the souls around me. Maybe they aren’t perfect, but I know that someone will smile because they heard a song they loved. Maybe they won’t be inspired, but I know that they will be comfortable.

My mama made the anxious little soul feel comfortable and courageous with a Hillary Duff song.

And I pray to someday have a heart that listens as well as her’s.

The Lobby

Just a little over six years ago, a small community formed in Patton Hall. It consisted of a random group of freshmen. They ranged from musicians to businessmen to nurses to scientists. They were from all over the nation, and they all had different stories to tell. From the outside looking in, there did not seem to be really anything they had in common.

Well except for one thing…

They sat in the lobby for 8+ hours every single day.

The “Patton Lobbsters” as they called themselves, were a strange bunch. Folks came and went, but these core members remained in the lobby until all hours of the night. Some of them fell in love with one another. Some of them went off to distant lands, only to find a space in the hearts of each member to return to.

The Patton Lobby was probably the most influential community of my undergraduate career.

Folks often asked me why I would sit in the lobby all day. People seem to find it strange that a group of people would stick together after hours and hours of seemingly meaningless card games, YouTube videos, and conversations.

Then again, folks find it strange when we choose to stay.

Folks don’t like to believe that things last anymore.

There are many answers that one can give for staying in the same spot on the same couch for an entire academic year, but they rarely encapsulate the value of the Patton Lobby and the Lobbsters. It wasn’t until this past weekend at a Lobbster Wedding that I realized why I chose to stay in the Patton Lobby.

I think we stayed in the Patton Lobby because we knew that we would not only be able to love one another, but that we would also grow to love one another even better.

We became better people in the Patton Lobby.

This weekend my closest Lobbsterette married her best friend, a fellow Lobbster. Their relationship is quirky and cute and challenging and faithful and so many other things. As the perpetual third wheel, I watched the two grow to love one another better and better. One would come out of their shell, and the other would learn to keep things in order.

Opposite though their love may be, they complimented one another in order to love one another to the best of their ability.

Not only that, but their love goes outward.

Although there are certainly aspects of their relationship that are kept between them, my lovely friends always welcomed others in to their world, even if only for a little while. This weekend, I witnessed their families welcoming not only one another, but also welcoming each and every community which entered the wedding venue. I was a complete stranger to most of them, and they hugged me like I was their best friend.

Love builds a community that extends outward, but it retains a certain specialness that no one can touch.

Because God put that love there.

As they put so beautifully, “It would be stupid not to”

I think we stayed in the Patton Lobby for a similar reason. It was not romantic love which kept us there, but it was love nonetheless. Given to us by God, each member of the Lobbsters had the opportunity to learn more about the love they could give to the world. I cannot speak for every member, but I know that I grew in confidence, grace, and courage in the Lobby.

All it took was staying in that space and letting each member of the community be themselves.

And when we left the Lobby, we let that love go outwards.

We welcomed souls in to the Patton Lobby. Some would stay for a while and become permanent members of our little community. Others would simply wave with a smile. Still others thought we were insane.

It didn’t matter.

Everyone belonged in the Lobby, even if they didn’t believe it.

Sometimes all it takes is one more minute to change your world perspective. Sometimes it takes one more hour to change your heart. Sometimes it takes one more semester (or three) in a lobby to remember that no matter who comes in to the community that they are worthy of the same love you received.

So maybe the Lobby was a little weird.

But it was perfect.

Felicity: A Team Newton Moment

For the past few months, I have been writing “Felicity Moments” which are moments of grace in my little life.

But the truth is…

Every Felicity Moment really is a “Team Newton Moment.”

There are many times where I am judged for my almost daily phone calls home, the excessive group chat messages, the Snapchat streak with my brother, the advice I get from my parents being what wins over that of my friends. This little comments used to bother me, but now I realize that these jokes, these comments, these jabs are not a reflection of me, but rather they are reflection of the world today.

Having a family, a real family, is not normal anymore.

The idea of a family is no longer associated with a loving community built to raise one another up. Families are now considered a pain, a thanksgiving dinner gone wrong, and a hassle.

Children are a burden or their futures are considered “too risky” in this world.

The world is a scary place. We have wars and civil injustices and hunger and pain and arguments and murders of all kinds. We have diseases and poverty and inequalities. We have so many negatives around us that we want to give up.

However, there is something we can do. Families are what will save the world.

If there is one thing that I have learned as Kid Captain of Team Newton, it is that we can all be heroes.

You see, the world is in need of love. That’s what we need in order to overcome the numerous tragedies that we see around us. Sure, we cannot stop hurricanes, but we can start cleaning up the land. Sure, we cannot stop people from having different opinions, but we can start working towards finding the truth as a community. Sure, there will always be difficulties because there are evil people and evil actions out there, but they will not win in the end.

Love wins in the end.

Heroes rarely wear capes. The hero is the one who loves the most.

Sadly, we live in a world that is so selfish that we do not even know how to love others to begin with. We choose ourselves over our families. We choose ourselves over starting a family. We choose ourselves over even the idea of committing to someone we love.

As a result, we lost the idea of a family, a place where love is born.

Our family is where we are loved first. However, in a world that would rather replace children with animals, in a world where children are shuttled from foster home to foster home without a single person to love them, we lack the opportunity to learn how to love in a community. We choose ourselves, and in the end, we reach a plateau in our own lives and everyone feels alone.

We feel alone because we are alone.

I’m not saying that if you do not come from a close family that you cannot love properly.

Because that love is not our own.

The love we have in our hearts comes from Jesus Christ, made perfectly for you. We love imperfectly, but the act of love itself is made perfect in the heart of those we love. Therefore, by learning how to love others in our own unique way, we become the hero that someone needs. We bring Jesus in to the hearts of others in our own unique love, the love that each and every human heart desires.

A family rooted in love raises up heroes.

Not because they are the championship winners, the scholars, nor the performers. Families raise up heroes because they teach us how to love.

Not just love in general, but how you specifically are called to love others.

Without my family, I would never have found my space in this world, nor would I have been able to love others as well as I do now. They raised me to be a hard worker so that I could have any job I wanted. Now I am a scientist, and I love on my students by encouraging them to work hard and believe in themselves. They raised me to be a strong Catholic so that I could know Jesus Christ. Now I am a Confirmed Catholic, and I love on others by reminding them constantly of Jesus’ love for them, Christian or not.

My family made me a loving Catholic woman who brings Jesus to the sciences through hard work and being a bit louder than most folk.

A family can inspire a person to become the strongest person they can be and to believe in themselves, but they also teach us how to love one another through sacrifice, by raising one another up in love.

I learned that the best video game player is the one who intentionally helps the youngest child get 1st place in Mario Kart by riding in 3rd place and beating down all of their enemies.

I learned that the bravest person is the one who steps away from their games to sit with their sister having a panic attack behind the crib.

I learned that the sweetest achievements only matter if you share them with someone else.

We love others by being our best selves and stepping back to allow others to shine for a moment. In a world that rejects the idea of commitment, we often try to do everything on our own and hold others down. Political ads rarely talk about the positives in the candidate, but rather they are negative ads about their opponents. Bullying continues to happen…and that’s just because the bullies are not loved properly.

We tear others down when really we should be raising them up.

You learn that in a family.

Maybe my love is not perfect, but I know that I can love more and more perfectly each day. I know this because my family sees through my crosses and sees the rose planted upon the cross. They see the beauty of my heart, and they inspire me to share that beauty with each person in my life.

They raised me to believe in myself and others.

That’s what a family does. 

It brings hope in to the world through love. Not just a feel-good love, but true love, the love which raises up everyone around us. A love that reminds us of who we are: Children of God.

So yeah, I have many happy little moments…

But they would not be present if my family was not there to help me see them.

My Dear Readers, we are all called to be heroes. We are all called to love one another in our own unique way. We are all members of God’s Family, and therefore we have the ability to love one another in Jesus’s name. There is nothing to fear because it is never a loss to love a little one.

Although I am far from being able to raise a family of my own, I will continue to grow in love.

Because I am your Sister in Christ, and I will be here to walk with you, to help raise you, to be there with you as we walk towards Heaven.

Just as Team Newton taught me.

Thank You. I Love You.

The stadium was packed. The wind was blowing at 40mph, chilling the rain in to snow. At any other point in the season this would call for empty rows and empty sections.

But not that night.

Something special was about to happen.

Country music legend Garth Brooks rushed out on to the stage. Everyone cheered. Regardless of if they knew the lyrics, the crowd moved to the music, withstanding the wind and the rain to hear this man perform.

Then "Unanswered Prayers" played.

Cell phone lights filled the stadium, and mixed voices filled the air in gratitude to Our God for delivering us to the lives He gave us. Not the lives we predicted or wanted, but the lives made just for us.

The song ended, Garth looked to the sky and whispered in to his microphone

“Fuck.”

No one cared that he swore. Because in that moment, we were all somehow aware of how incredible that moment was for everyone. It was not a show anymore. It was a gift, an opportunity, a once in a lifetime experience that not even this seasoned professional predicted.

The stands remained full for the rest of the show.

We didn’t want to miss a thing.

As I stood in the crowd, listening to songs my parents sang to one another on the way home from Monga and Tata’s, I couldn’t help but thank God over and over in my mind. I thanked Him for my family that raised us to appreciate art, to love one another in all ways, to give glory to Him for everything. I thanked Him for the trials and setbacks which brought me to Notre Dame at the time He brought me. I thanked Him for the friends who stood beside me, behind me, and before me.

And it did not feel as though I changed my Jesus.

Because saying thank You to God does not change Him, nor does it change His everlasting, ever-present, never changing love for us.

Gratitude to Our God helps us hear “I love you” again and again and again.

God gives us gifts every day, regardless of our action. His mercy is always going out to us. All we have to do is be willing to receive it. All we have to do is acknowledge that there is something special here on this Earth, in our lives, and in our hearts.

We thank Him, and we hear “I love you” all over again.

Every smile, every tear, everything is a gift. All is gift.

And He makes sure that the imperfect love which comes our way becomes perfect in our hearts. He knows what we need, what we desire most, and He makes it possible.

But we need to stick around a while.

We need to stand in the storm and the cold of this exile, and when we think we are about to give up, we need to wait for just a minute longer.

Just one more minute with Jesus.

Then...as He reveals Himself...say thank You for every little thing you can think of.

All He’ll say in reply is “I love you”

There is in fact a space just like the stadium where we can encounter a Man even more humble than Garth Brooks. It’s a small space, but it is connected to so many other small spaces throughout the world. It holds billions of other souls in need of love. It holds the greatest love story ever told and the most beautiful love songs on Earth.

Mass.

Imagine if we waited for Jesus to come out on to the altar like we waited for a musician to come on stage.

Imagine if instead of worrying about where we go next we just waited for Jesus to sing in our hearts

Imagine if we looked up to the Heavens and whispered a simple “I love you” to God

All you will ever hear in Mass is “I love you.” It is the one place that we will never be rejected. It is the one place that we will always belong. Because when we have our Jesus in our lives, we will always belong. It doesn’t matter what anyone says or does or thinks; you will always be loved in the divine presence of Our Jesus.

Say thank You to Our Lord today.

He loves you

And so do I