Seeing Differently

As a Catholic Scientist, I have heard hundreds of pieces on why Faith and Science are compatible. In practice, however, I have seen very little support of any faith within science. Many of my peers deem religion as "illogical" or "impractical."

I cannot speak about other faith traditions, but I do know this: if it were not for my Catholic Faith, I would have nothing to offer the scientific community.

Despite the need for evangelization in the sciences, we Catholics are often told to be silent about our faith. We are told that people will come to the Truth by witnessing our lives. They say that we should answer when people ask us what brings us hope, what gives us joy, what gives us life, but we are not meant to share how our faith impacts anything outside the spiritual.

But our faith does change our vision of the world.

By Baptism and Confirmation, we are given the Spirit of Wisdom. We are given the graces to receive a "God's-eye view" on His creation. We see the world in a different way, whether we want to believe that or not.

Scientist or not...you've been changed and you've been called to bring others Home through your work.

For so long I have watched as souls wandered away from my Jesus. They say that there was no logic behind it. They say that there was too much suffering. They say that there was too much sin in the Church. They say that Faith is a fool's game. They say that there is nothing God can do for them that they cannot do for themselves.

They choose to be alone, to close their eyes, to put all of their burden upon their shoulders.

No longer can they see the goodness Our God made for them....not like before.

One of our investors came in to the office to talk to my advisor and I about our project. When we met for the first time, my advisor only knew the basics of what I did to create our model. He did not hear my biological reasoning for the treatment regiment I designed, nor did he know why I even started where I did. During this second meeting, my advisor told our investor that we had a hit that was effective and appeared to target what we wanted to investigate.

She looked at me and then back at my advisor, "So quickly?"

"Felicity just sees the world differently. She notices things that others cannot," he said with a smile. It was by and far the greatest compliment I ever received from my advisor, but not for the reasons everyone would think. 

He was complimenting my God, not me.

I am only successful because of my faith. From the beginning of my graduate work to today, I have known that I was not called here just to do science. I was called to be a scientist to share with the world how the Gospel is far more than a happy story or a strange belief. I was called here to be there for the lost and the lonely, to remind souls that there is something more than what we hold in our hands.

God made me a scientist to reveal His presence in each and every one of our cells.

And it is that fact that made me successful.

My hypothesis came from the Paschal Mystery. Although I cannot share the science behind the theory, I will say that every single one of my hypotheses stems from the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. I use scientific terms, but they are merely a means of revealing the glory of God in His Creation.

The problem is that we compartmentalize Christ. We tell ourselves that our work has nothing to do with Him, and we make it something completely secular and earthly.

But that's just not true.

When we give our lives to Christ, we have to give Him everything. We give Him our hearts, our minds, and our bodies. We give Him our thoughts, our fears, our dreams, and our work. We give Him each and every moment of our lives, whether we choose to accept that or not. We are His forever.

There are so many of us that are just giving the bare minimum to Christ. However, when we give Him everything, He will do amazing things for us.

We will be mocked, but we will not be hurt.

Today I was feeling particularly alone in the Faith. I had my Wednesday Holy Hour, and I asked Jesus to show me my heart and to tell me what I needed to hear. I was expecting something from a random prophet, but instead I flipped to the story of the woman with the alabaster jar. She did what we are called to do by giving Him everything.

People scoffed at her, but Jesus said this:

"Why do you make trouble for the woman? She has done a good thing for Me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have Me. In pouring this perfumed oil upon My body, she did it to prepare Me for burial. Amen, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be spoken of, in memory of her." (Matthew 26:10-13)

I do not care if people look down on me for the way I work. I do not care if I look like a fool. I do not care if I waste "my precious time" by spending time with and for The Lord. He gave me His entire life, and He put His Passion in each and every cell of my body.

Is that not enough to give Him everything back?

Regardless of our career, Jesus is there in the work. He is there, standing beside us, residing in our hearts, supporting the good we do for the world. It does not matter how large the task or how small the impact; Christ is there in its goodness.

If we give everything simply for those around us, we will lose sight of Him...we will not always have Him.

But if we give Him everything...we will have Him forever and our names will be written in Heaven.

You don't have to do this work alone Dear Reader. Christ is with you. Peace be with you.

All The Small Things

So many of us feel to small to make a difference. Most millenials are at the bottom of the totem pole, wondering when they will have more responsibilities. Anyone in graduate school is aware that they are the bottom of the bottom, sometimes even having less influence than the undergraduate volunteers.

When we’re in the rough, it feels like there is no real value to our contribution.

Biomedical researchers, such as myself and many of my peers at Notre Dame, often feel so separated from the patients that it seems like we don’t really have any connection to treatment, nor do we recognize that there is any value to our work in the eyes of those patients.

We know that it takes decades to get a drug on the market

And sometimes those treatments are ineffective once moved to human patients.

When we see ourselves as too small, we tend to try to do more of what we have, just to matter a little bit more. Instead of trying to be the most effective with what little we have, we choose to over-do it. We burn ourselves out.

We get worse.

From June to October, I worked in this way. I told myself that if I just got the little things done that I would finally be able to work on my “big idea” that would “matter more.” My advisor turned me down, and I understood. The hypothesis was not part of our mission, and we had to take our priorities seriously.

Nonetheless, I was burnt out

But then I went home for a wedding, wherein I had a conversation which changed my perspective on work in a way that all of us need to hear every once in a while.

I was sitting in a hole-in-the-wall place in East Nashville with the wedding party. One of the grooms folk asked me what my research was on. Because I never dismiss an opportunity to tell my story, I shared the story of the Vaughan lab and its mission to create a targeted therapy for Niemann Pick Type C.

“Wow,” the girl looked down at her hot chicken, “You must really feel the weight of responsibility with that project.”

“Oh no…” I shook my head, “I’m very removed from the patients. The treatment won’t become a thing for at least fifteen years. What I really want to do-“

“No no,” the girl interrupted me before I could go down my rabbit-hole of self-pity, “Your work is important. These are the first studies towards a drug. You said those kids are in pain and don’t have any medicine? Your work…that gives them-“

“Hope,” I interrupted this time.

I did not listen to the girl’s response. My mind went silent, and I felt my blood pressure decrease. Sure, the drug concentrations and the extra assays were tedious, but they were important. Each experiment told the exact same story, but with each confirmation, the patients had more and more evidence to believe in a new therapy, one that did not exist before.

Hope increases with constant little reminders of the good.

All of my little work, all little work, means something to the world.

“But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming,” 

~Ted Mosby

In relationships, it’s not the big moments that define the relationship, but rather it is the many small details that reveal the truth of the relationship. In science, it’s not just the drugs that improve treatments, but rather it is the many clinical trials and small experiments that improve prognosis and patient health. In life, it is not the most powerful nor the most visible things that change the world, but rather it is the many small people and actions that make life happier.

It’s ok to be the little guy for a little while.

Because you are important to someone. You are a source of hope and joy to someone, no matter how insignificant you think your work or your impact may be.

Swings: A Felicity Moment

I love swing sets.

I’m fairly certain that I have written about my love for swing sets before, but it’s never a bad idea to revisit joyful little aspects of our lives. After all, we not everything has to be a big deal, nor does everything have to have a major impact on our hearts. Sometimes there are little things that make life just a little bit happier.

And for me, many of those moments involve a swing set.

Many of us, myself included, think of swing sets as something that young children play on. We forget that there are swing sets for babies and for toddlers and for children and even for adults! Just because many of us associate swings with childhood doesn’t mean that it should be isolated to our vague memories of sitting on a swing set during recess.

Because our time on a swing set actually had a lot more to it.

Swing sets actually require a bit of development.

Babies and toddlers are strapped in to the swing, and the only way they will move is if someone else helps them move. Some are terrified of the swing. Others absolutely love the swing, and they will sleep for hours in an automated swing in their nursery. However, these little ones are completely unable to move on their own. 

They may want to move, but they do not know how.

And it is the responsibility of their caretakers to give them the push they need to start moving.

Then, as the child grows up and gains independence, they are faced with a new challenge: starting the swing on their own. Despite the simplicity of a swing set, most children struggle to even move.

So their caretakers give them a little push and encourage them to start to pump their legs on their own.

But they get tired. In their frustration, they will look to the other children still being pushed by their parents. Maybe they don’t need to actually learn how to play on their won.

And they give up.

I think this is a lot like how we live our spiritual lives. As young babies or children, we are encouraged by our parents and by God Himself. We are weak in spirit, and we do not understand the gifts we have been given. So we are given a push.

Like most babies, we have to adjust to the sensation of swinging back and forth, but in time..we find our way to the swing set on our own.

Some of us are blessed with the opportunity to be pushed by God and our communities for a long time before we are called to do something for ourselves. We live in a state of consolation for so long that we forget that to believe in something is far more than feeling good or happy or free. It’s a choice that isn’t easy.

And as we grow up in our faith, we are called to start to swing on our own.

We’re given a time of desolation.

By desolation, I do not mean sadness, but rather I mean that the presence of God in our lives and in our world is called in to question. We do not sense it in the same way. This certainly can make us feel sad, but that is not always the case. If anything, our culture’s sense of desolation sounds more like,

“Well it doesn’t really make sense for God to be here, and those without faith seem just as happy as me. Maybe I don’t need God after all.”

And so we slip away.

Not because we have bad intentions, but because the “go-with-the-flow” mentality of our spirituality does not work anymore. God called us to live out our true purpose, to work with Him to bring His love and mercy in to the world, and yet we choose to walk away.

How does the disgruntled child end up on the swing set again?

Someone asks them to play with them.

One of the reasons why I love swing sets is because playing on the swings is rarely a solitary activity. Sure, you ride the swing on your won, and yes you can spend time on the swing alone, but most of us find our way on to the swing and learn how to play as a part of a community, a family, a people.

“Front back, front back,” little Felicity sang from the swing set in her backyard. Little Mark, her brother, was learning to swing on his own, and she was going to help him.

Within a week, Mark was flying higher than even Felicity could.

And you would think that little Felicity would be frustrated by that, and in a way she was, but she knew that he learned to swing with her. She would just have to work a little harder to make her body move as quickly as Mark did. 

Together, they would fly higher than they would on their own.

On playgrounds all across the nation, there are children inviting their friends to play on the swings with them. Some are patiently waiting for their friend to figure out how to use the swing set. Others walk away in frustration, but they will come back to see their friend on the swings again.

And once we learn to swing, we rarely, if ever, forget how to fly.

Children and adults alike are flying on the ground because someone helped them learn to swing. They were given a push in to the unknown, but they were not left alone forever.

If a child can invite someone to swing with them, then why can’t we invite someone to pray wit us?

There are thousands of people leaving the Faith a year. Not because there is something fundamentally wrong with it, but because they were called to have a deeper relationship with Christ, and no one was there to celebrate that with them. So few of us are asking others to play with us that there is not enough support for those who just need a hand to hold.

We tell ourselves that we just want to sit on the swing set on our own.

But…a child would not let someone sit on the swings by themselves.

I love swing sets because they remind me of how much love there is in this world. 

My parents pushed me on the swing, and they brought me in to The Church at four days old. My siblings sat next to me and sang songs until they could fly in the sky, and they have prayed with and for me throughout our entire lives. My friends came to the swings with me, and they have supported my faith every step of the way.

I think we like swings because they give us something simple to smile about.

We just forgot how much more there was to that little thing.

It’s the opposite with faith. We see how complex it is, with the politics, the sins, the rules, the Scriptures, the churches, the people, and we forget how simple it is. Yes, each of these complex things is crucial for our understanding of God…but it actually is far more simple than most of us wants to admit.

God loves you.

He loves everyone just the same.

We look back to the swings because we know the joy of a swing set. A child would not let their friend go through life without having that same joy. I’ve seen adults teach one another how to ride a swing set because they want to their friend to share in that joy. However, we do not do the same for our Faith, which brings us eternal joy that cannot be taken from us.

We need to start treating the Faith more like a swing set.

Why are we letting people go through life without the joy of the Gospel, without the nourishment of the Blessed Sacrament, without the community of the Saints and Angels?

I am still learning how to welcome more people on to the “Swing Set of Faith,” but I know that life is better with another soul smiling than when I am sitting alone.

Dear Reader, if it’s been a while…know that I am here on the swings waiting for you to come play with me. And if you’re scared…that’s ok. 

God the Father will give you the push you need to get started again.

Playlists: A Felicity and Mama Moment

My mom’s an incredible woman. 

This may be a charism of Motherhood, but my mom has this innate ability to hear what each child needs before they even say it. Not only that, but she knows how to respond to each child in a unique and beautiful way. Sometimes that it is in a firm yet tender statement, and other times it is through an experience.

There is one moment that shaped a lot of my life, a moment that I would not have predicted to change my heart and my ability to love others.

My anxiety, caused by an inability to focus and far too many irrational fears, left me hiding in the corner of my living room day after day. I would go to dance class and excel in the classroom, but I was in constant fear of going out in to public.

Now I know that I am meant to go out, to speak love to others, to share the joy of a life lived in Faith, but I would not have become this woman without my mother.

The Lizzie McGuire just came out, and we bought the soundtrack.

The first song, “Why Not” started to play, and when the chorus finished, my mom turned down the song and said, “Felicity this song is for you. Listen again.”

“Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? If you lose the moment You may lose a lot. So why not? Why not?” ~Why Not, Hillary Duff

Therapy is great, but really only when it is addressing the real issue. My anxiety was not caused by the same source as Generalized Anxiety, so I did not gain as much as I needed. It was this song, played on repeat in our car until I understood that I needed to live my life out loud, that helped me overcome my anxieties and become a happy little tap dancer.

This was not the first time my mother used music to speak to my heart. 

My first break-up playlist was one of the most empowering playlists I ever listened to. My desire to listen to hymns and listen to country music is based on my mom’s loving ear. From elementary school on, I listened more closely to lyrics, to the beat of a song, and to the way it affected each person around me.

Now I make playlists for everything.

I am far from a music major, let alone a musician, but I was raised by an incredible mother with a listening heart. I am far from a listener, but I was raised by someone who could sing with me in the car. I learned to listen to the experiences, to the joy and the sorrow of a room.

After many years of sharing the stereo with music majors and friends from all walks of life, I now listen to nearly every genre.

You can find something special in every song, in every genre, in every playlist. 

Not just because the song has something profound to say or the musicianship is incredible, but because each piece of music shares a piece of someone’s heart. Musicians work hard to share their story with the world, and some even have the ability to tell the stories of those around them. When we take time to listen to a genre, to a song, to a playlist, we can see the essence of someone’s story.

Stories are not meant to be left in the shadows.

Stories are meant to be shared with the world.

Making playlists and running the stereo are Felicity Moments because they are the simplest way for me to share my love for the souls around me. Maybe they aren’t perfect, but I know that someone will smile because they heard a song they loved. Maybe they won’t be inspired, but I know that they will be comfortable.

My mama made the anxious little soul feel comfortable and courageous with a Hillary Duff song.

And I pray to someday have a heart that listens as well as her’s.