Loving Home

I used to hate bringing people home when I was younger.

It was not because I did not want my friends to meet my family. If anything, I wanted every single friend to know my parents and siblings and pets. In a perfect world, my friends would not need to come to my house to meet my family, and we could all be friends.

The reason why I did not want to bring people home was because I did not want to change the norm of my household.

I did not want home to change.

For the ADHD child without a diagnosis, nor any clue that a diagnosis was necessary, the stable structure of a Team Newton evening was my greatest comfort. I knew that when I got home that I would put my backpack in the closet, have a snack, play with my siblings, go to dance, and when I got home we would have family prayers.

No matter what happened around me, I knew that I would go home to a family with love, order, chaos, and faith.

Why then would allow anyone to change the wonderful little Heaven that was Team Newton Stadium?

After all…my siblings needed that structure too. How could I let their beautiful lives be disrupted by the strange set of folks I always seemed to find?

I think a lot of us share in this sort of struggle Dear Readers. Perhaps it is not our physical homes, but I believe that many of us struggle with allowing others to change our lives. We do not want to let people disrupt our social order. We do not want people to change the relationships we have, nor do we want to accomodate our comfort for the sake of growing with another person.

Even moreso, we do not want to disrupt the lives of our closest friends and family with the soul we encountered.

Especially if we are not sure how long we will know these people.

A good example of this fear comes from an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Ted Mosby, the protagonist, brings a new girl to Lily’s birthday party. Lily is outraged because Ted keeps “ruining” group photos by insisting that his new girlfriends are in the photo. She claims that these women are less than important because they did not stay in his life for very long. However, Ted is able to convince Lily that maybe this woman may become his future wife. That group photo could be the first image of many that the group will share.

Ironically, Ted forgets the girl’s name by Lily’s next birthday.

However, Lily will never forget the hope in Ted’s heart, and that is what makes the difference. The fact that Ted had enough courage to allow this woman in to their social order is what allows Lily to grow in her understanding of what her friend group could be. She grows to understand why Ted continues to believe in love, even though he fails over and over and over again.

This hope is what allows Lily to later encourage Ted that his future wife is on her way, just when Ted had given up all hope.

So maybe it’s not a bad idea to let our hope, our friendships, our struggles, our dreams, our failures, all of it, be a part of our everyday lives for all to see.

I came to understand this as my understanding of “Home” changed.

I realized that home is not a place, but rather it is the love of a family. Love, being from God, cannot be defined by a location. Love is not bound up in a group chat, a house, nor a city. Love is a binding force, an action, a will that cannot be ignored forever.

My family is with me wherever I go.

Therefore, each person I allow in to my heart is allowed to share in the love found in Team Newton.

This became easier for me to see as technology became a bigger part of society. Even though my family is not friends with my friends on Facebook, they can still see the interactions we share on the internet. Even though my family is not Snapping my friends, they can still see the uncommon delight of a streak going for nearly two years. We know about the souls encountered by the other members of Team Newton, and these encounters are felt by everyone.

Each member of Team Newton grows through the experiences each member faces. Each of us learns from the friendships, both the good and the bad, and we help one another grow in love.

I’ll give a joyful example.

At one point, I liked a young man who was not Christian and wrapped up in Earthly pleasures. My mother heard about our interactions quite a bit, and it was clear to her (and all of Team Newton actually) that he was not the right man for me. He might have cared for me as a friend, but he did not consider my soul, nor did he consider my femininity when interacting with me. 

For reasons I still do not know, I moved on to a Catholic gentleman. As I recounted the surprisingly fewer details about this young man to my mother, she stopped me to say:

“I can tell that you are experiencing something more than with those other boys. Even if you never date, I am happy to hear what God is doing in your voice.”

And somehow my siblings, who knew even less, could say the same.

I am speaking mostly about my family because that is where I feel the most loved. It is where I know that I am safe and where I can grow in love. However, love is not bound by our human relationships either. So if you do not have the same sort of home as I do, Dear Reader, do not dismay. Love can be seen in many communities.

And if love is freely given, then the shared experiences we hold in our hearts is not bound by biology.

Just as Lily was moved by Ted’s hope, so too are our friends moved by our decisions and the souls that we allow in to our hearts. If our friends truly love us, then they will see both the good and the bad.

This brings me back to my original fear: what if the people we let in to our lives hurt us? What if there is not a positive ending and we waste valuable time loving those who may never give us love in return? If my friends and family truly love me, then will I risk disturbing their joy by bringing others in?

The answer is a resounding no.

No matter what you do, the people you encounter will always enter your social circle. Whether they remain for a long time or leave after a five minute interaction, each soul leaves an impression on your heart. Each interaction changes how you act, how you react, how you live. Therefore, your loved ones will always experience these encounters.

However, if we refuse to share for fear of wasting time, then we give our loved ones less to go on. We waste future time by having to explain it all later.

Loving others is never a waste of time. In fact, sometimes the people you bring in do not change your heart, but rather they help your loved ones grow in love.

I experienced this truth at Christmas Eve Mass this year.

“Grace!” Penelope, the youngest of the family, squealed with delight as her friend from school came in to the church. By some odd turn of events, Grace and her little sister Emma joined Team Newton for Mass. Their parents sat in front of our family. At first the older children were a little skeptical about adding a 5 year old and a 3 year old to the already jam-packed pew, but we could not deny the delight we saw on their faces.

The three year old, Emma, sat next to me. She was a little shy, and it was pretty late for a little girl to be at Mass. However, after we shared a few words and I sang the Gloria with her, Emma smiled at me and sat as close to me as she could.

In a Catholic Mass, there are two parts where a long prayer is said: The Nicene Creed and The Our Father. Many people, myself included, hold hands in the Our Father, but no one holds hands in the Nicene Creed.

Now little Emma was not exactly sure where we were in Mass, but she knew that we were standing up for a prayer, and she knew that you hold hands in the Our Father. With confidence one would never expect to come from the shy little three year old, Emma grasped my hand and smiled at me.

She held my hand through the Nicene Creed.

She did not let go when she realized it was the wrong prayer. If anything, Emma grasped my hand even more tightly.

After Mass, the mother thanked me for helping with the girls. She claimed that I was “a whisperer,” and thanked me over and over. I laughed, not because I was being polite, but because I was surprised by how easy it was for me to love on these little girls. All I had known was that they were Penelope’s friends. I knew that my sister loved them, so I loved them.

I have always had a gift with children, but without access to young children, it had been harder for me to see my vocation as a mother realized.

However, Emma’s little hand in mine, tightening in her anxiety and trusting in me, reminded me that I was still on the right path.

That was one of the greatest gifts God could have given me.

It was all because Penelope welcomed those girls in.

Now there is a greater challenge that I have to speak to, one that most Christians are uncomfortable with: we have to start sharing our love with the world. We have to stop being comfortable with the structure of our churches, the order of our Bible Studies, the certainty of our social gatherings. God loves every person, regardless of where they come from.

Shouldn’t they be allowed to come our home in Heaven with us?

Shouldn’t they be allowed to hold our hands and remind us of who we are?

Like I said, home is not bound by location; it is bound by love. We can always invite others to a church service or Mass, but perhaps we need to start with something even more uncomfortable. We need to start with the love God gave us. We need to realize that He loves us, all of us, and we have to be willing to share that love with others. Not just other Christians, but also those who have given up on God due to suffering, those who reject him due to intellectual debate, and those who would never hear His name otherwise.

Even if they reject us, even if they hate us, even if we are hurt…the pain will not last.

Why?

Because loving another soul is never a waste of time.

Sonnets of 2017

I usually mention as my fun fact that I write sonnets, but I have not had the chance to share any of them with you Dear Readers. Therefore, I will share the two sonnets that I wrote this year. They were written in the beginning and the end of this year and created a nice story.

To make it a little more interesting, I included many other stories from this past year inspired by selections from my Spotify Top Songs of 2017 playlist.

Enjoy!

“One look, dark room, meant just for you, time moved too fast, you played it back…” 

~You Are In Love, Travis Atreo

Nine, Forty-Seven, and Forty-two

We’re up and we’re down. Front back front back front.

I held your weight as we went all night long

just barely squeaking as you planned your stunt

and you thought that I would be strong…

You jumped, and all of your weight lifted off

I flew back, flailing all about and with

no safe way to catch myself. You just scoff

as if this was not your first stunt, your fifth,

your whatever it was. Hurt and frayed, I’m not

safe to ride, so you just pack up and leave.

I waited in the cold in our old spot.

But it’s not our’s, not since you chose to cleave

my rope, my hope, my scope in to your heart.

Back front down up lub dub and then we part.

“I focus on what I can make and not what just got ruined” 

~Cardboard Castles, Watsky

“It’s going to be a difficult semester,” the professor said to the young graduate student and her mentee. The graduate student was dumbfounded in the professor’s lack of faith and generalization.

The professor would be proven right, but the young instructors who stood before her did not fear the worst. This team of misfits were just what the lab needed, whether they knew it or not. They had spunk, and they all had a reason to fight for this labratory.

It was time to prove the world wrong about the down-trodden, the misfits, and the developmentally unique souls that entered the field of Cell Biology.

“Everything is such you wanted. You try your best to calm the longing, but there are certain things you can't deny” 

~ Little Dancer, Leroy Sanchez

It was a lonely February evening. The stars were sparkling in the sky, and the graduate student walked out in to the cold air. The starlight hit the little rosary in her right hand, and the light reflecting in tiny sparkles about her hand. A small spark of hope lit in her heart, but it was small. She wanted to believe that God would finally answer her prayers, but the silence had torn her heart apart.

She needed a miracle.

“You said you'd never smile again, but oh no, here it comes. Would you look at that? I finally found somethin' I'm good at” 

~Somethin’ I’m Good At, Brett Eldridge

Tears fell from the face of a young scientist as her mentor rested her hand on their shoulder. Never before had the student been believed in. Never before had the student been accepted for who they were and told to fight for something greater. Never before had the student admitted their failing.

The next day, the student came to the lab, a small but beautiful smile on their face and a notebook in hand. It was as if an entirely different student came to work that day, and for a brief moment, all was right in the labratory.

“You take my eyes off of the future. 

You lead my heart out of the past

You are the promise here in the moment, where I find my rest

You are as good as it gets”

~As Good as It Gets, Matt Maher

On the vigil of Palm Sunday, the little dancer came to The Grotto. The sun shone on her shoulders, burning them slightly. From her right hand dangled the rosary, just as it did for the past 54 days. Light from above made the beads shine brighter than before, and for a moment, the girl believed her longing would end.

But as she looked up at the candles and finished her final prayer, she felt the light leave her.

Why did God say “wait” again?

The girl wept.

“Nobody likes you when you’re 23” ~ What’s My Age Again? Blink-182

“Before we get started, we have heard that it is someone’s birthday today,” the presenter smiled and flipped the slide to a Happy Birthday for the young graduate student. Cupcakes floated through the auditorium.

The graduate student beamed up at the presenter. She always said she didn’t like cancer, but in that moment, she could not be more grateful for the cancer biologists who took her in and loved her.

“When did we learn to perform, to need the encore, to know who we are?” ~Lean, Nichole Nordeman

“Can we not talk about science?” the graduate student looked down at her salad. Tears were burning in the corners of her eyes. Everyone else had practiced with their advisors. Their labs knew their hypotheses. However, the graduate student practiced alone, her advisor did not even look up from his laptop as she spoke, and her entire project was unknown to the world.

She was alone.

Or so she thought.

“Wherever you go, whatever you see,

you’re not alone, you never will be

Oh baby just know, wherever you go, that’s where I'll be”

~Wherever You Go, A Rocket to the Moon

11pm rolls around after a long day in the lab. After running around all day without a single soul to speak to, the graduate student wants nothing more than to clutch to her bear, Teddy, tight and attempt to sleep. With a small whisper for God’s help, she rested her tear-stained face on Teddy and waited for sleep.

A bright light broke through the darkness.

Ten text messages from home and three snaps in the group snap chat. For over an hour, the graduate student giggled and played with her family on the phone. In that moment, the graduate student is at home, a child without the responsibilities she picked up in her lab. She was the Kid Captain of her family.

Thanking God, she smiled and fell asleep, never to feel alone again.

“Wouldn’t let a bad run-in ruin my fun 

when I wanna wake up to the sun again” 

~ Say Hey, Capital Lights

Three weeks. After failing to produce the results her advisor wanted, the graduate student was prepared to get the mouse project completed. With only her former undergraduate to communicate with, she descends in to the basement with nine mouse brains. She did not speak to another soul for three weeks other than her student and her favorite mouse, Ann Arbor.

Her advisor would return to see the results he had been waiting to see ever since the mouse project began.

And for a moment, the graduate student felt on top of the world.

“Coming out of my cage and I’m doing just fine” 

~ Mr. Brightside, The Killers

The chemist and the biologist who volunteered to join the band had no clue what was to come. A familiar guitar rift comes in, and the basement erupts with joy. Feeding off the energy, the biologist dances with the chemist and the singer, singing a song she knew all too well from her undergraduates. Another joins the stage, and the group sings together.

After being too afraid of the haters, the graduate student is no longer afraid. She has a mission, and she believes that great things are to come.

“Waiting ’til the smoke clear, can you see me through the fog?”

 ~ Money and the Power, Kid Ink

Her advisor had told her that he forgot everything she ever did, and her world exploded. However, the graduate student did not give up on her model, nor did she give up on the research she had dedicated herself to completing. She fought each day, bringing forth new data, new literature, and a renewed confidence.

Prominent cytoskeleton researchers gasp as the graduate student flips the Powerpoint to the next slide. Lysosome tubules dance across the screen, and the graduate student’s heart skips a beat.

People can see her now.

“Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.” 

~Servant Song, David Haas

The graduate student sits before the Blessed Sacrament. It is 3pm on Thursday afternoon, and her heart is troubled. She was entrusted with the most beautiful souls, and she does not know if she can really be worthy of the love that she can give, let alone what they could receive. Yet in that moment, she was given rest.

She returned that week, unafraid of her inexperience. Smiles flew through the room, and she rejoiced in the graces bestowed upon her by Our Lord.

With confidence, she asked God to let her continue to serve souls. This lead to a month of oddly specific prayers for an unknown soul before the Blessed Sacrament. When she discovered the soul’s name, she was troubled again.

Never before had she been entrusted with a soul that could guide her heart in return.

“I can’t explain how it feels like we have it all 

when everything is about to change.”

~One Day at a Time, Quin XCII

“I can’t do this anymore,” the gradaute student rose abruptly from the couch in the Upper Room. Angry tears burned in her eyes as she fled from the emptiness. Not a single incorrect statement was made, but something was missing.

The fullness of Truth was missing, and for what purpose? To not disturb the hearts of those around her?

The graduate student’s heart woke that day. She no longer wanted to be comfortable. Now she wanted to speak Truth everywhere, even if that meant being alienated from the rest of the world.

After all, she did not belong here.

“Guilty I stood, guilty I was. I couldn’t hide my shame. Just as I am, just as I am. Jesus you welcomed me. You took me in. I’ll never be the same again. My life, held in your hands.”

~ Just as I am, Matt Maher

Tears fell from the graduate student’s face. She was afraid that in her pride, in her fear, in her envy, in her doubt, that she lost the ability to love as she had been praying to love for so many years. Could that be why the Lord had not delivered her answer as He promised.

“He has been teaching you how to love all along,” the priest said with a soft smile on his face.

And so it was.

“You can feel it in the silence.” 

~You Are In Love, Taylor Swift

Two, Four, and Forty-two

It’s forty two degrees. My hands are blue

blue from holding on to something cold

a hope, or rather, a phase I went through.

Now I know better. Now I am old.

It’s ten o’clock. My legs are sore as they

leave that place. “Carry me home!” my feet cry

“Sore, cold and lost,” that’s what my heart will say

about that night when no one wanted to try.

It’s forty two degrees. My hands are red.

red, but not for long. Your love takes the pain.

Now I am warm. My legs- they’re dead.

Dead from the long walk from the inhumane.

It’s ten o’clock. I smile remembering when-

Back, front, down, up. My heart can try again.

Ending Forever

When you hear about the “Holiday Season” you hear two things.

1. This is the happiest time of the year

2. This is the saddest time of the year

I think December is both the happiest and the saddest time of the year because it reminds of two things: endings and beginnings. It’s the beginning of winter, but also the end of warm weather. It’s the beginning of a new year, but also the end of another year. It’s the end of the semester, but the beginning of the semester awaits us in January.

Endings are difficult for everyone

Whether we like to admit it or not, endings make us uncomfortable. We get used to the rhythm of our lives. Even if the rhythm is difficult, such as surviving the Molecular Biology or a hard TA assignment, we do not want to let go of that dance. Even if it is something that will make us happier, such as giving up a bad habit, we still take solace in our addiction.

Challenging the norm is difficult.

After all, normal is a good thing. Normal keeps us in check and takes little effort.

Scientists use the term “homeostasis” to describe the norm. If our bodies are in complete order, then we have acheived homeostasis. Every mechansim in our bodies is present so that we may acheive homeostasis. With that in mind, “the norm” is not what we typically think of when we think of normal.

Life is active. It is changing and adjusting and moving so as to stay afloat.

To challenge our norm, to allow for an ending, is a critical part of our lives here on Earth.

It just sucks to know that something is ending.

This is particularly difficult for me as a nurturer. From a very young age, I found friends who were in need of love. These kids were the loners at school or even victims of child abuse. As I grew up, I took on leadership roles that would allow me to meet these people where they were at. My family raised me to see Christ in everyone, even the most unkind people, so it was not a surprise that I wanted to love others with all I had.

If I was happy, then maybe I could share some of that with them.

I watched many beautiful people change their lives. Part of me wishes to say that I could give something to them, that it was my love that changed their lives, but that would be wrong. I did not tell them where to go to school, who to marry, or really do anything. All I ever did was be in their lives and love them for who they were in that moment.

This all may seem like the perfect Christian thing to do, and in many ways it is good to love others. However, I tied my pride to their success. My happiness was no longer my own, but rather it was associated with the changes I saw in the lives around me. I did not want to change my life because I was part of the lives that were becoming more and more influential.

I was important because those I served were important.

Imagine my heartache when those I loved most decided I was no longer worth their time.

The most impactful of these was high school best friend. After so many hardships and losses, he made it in to one of the best universities in the nation on a full-ride scholarship. He became a leader in our spiritual community, and he gave me credit for saving his faith in Jesus Christ. My entire senior class associated me with him, and I reveled in that experience. I loved on someone who once was considered the most hated member of our community, and now I was being praised with one of the most accepted members of our community.

But I didn’t love him the way he wanted to be loved. He wanted a romantic relationship, and he could not let go of the dream that we could be together. I never wanted to date this boy. I just wanted to remain important. So, two days or so before he left for college, he told me that I was boring and that I no longer mattered to him. 

After all this time, I thought that I would be the one to end our friendship. I had planned a gradual decrease in conversation as we molded in to our collegiate lives, one where he could move on without entirely losing my friendship. In a way, I was prolonging the ending period. 

I was trying to make the “December of our friendship” last longer than it ought to last, and I paid the price for it.

Dear Readers, when we choose to force an ending to stay with us, then we are not allowing life to change. We block the mechanisms to acheive “homeostasis” in our hearts. If anything, by trying to hold on to what we already have, we lose any chance to receive the many wonderful opportunities that we could have had long before.

Let’s go with a biological example: Cancer 

Cancer mechanisms are pathways that already exist in the body. Some of these are key parts of development. Others, especially metastatic mechanisms, are associated with wound healing. In fact, these mechanisms are critical, and if we get rid of them in mice, they die quickly. However, if we let these mechanisms run unchecked, we get cancer.

“There is an appointed time for everything and a time for every affair under the heavens” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is easy to say that an ending is good and important and necessary when it comes to cancer, or letting go of an addiction, or graduating, or any physical thing. We can all accept that if something will help us in a tangible way that it is a good thing. Even if it is difficult, like going on a diet, we can say that it is good for us.

However, when an ending is associated with another person, then it is more difficult.

Whether we care to admit it or not, people will always be moving in and out of our lives. They will always be a part of our hearts, but they will not be in our midst every day. Children move out, but they will always love their parents. Students graduate, but they will always have their university on their resume.

We are all aware of the ending.

And there are two approaches to these endings.

The first is the more common approach: live as though the end is upon us now. In this method, we do not get too close. We hold on to the norm as we know it. Our students’ lives don’t matter so as to avoid caring too much when their grades drop. Our friend who we could very well have a romantic relationship with remains our friend so as to not screw up the relationship we know. Our coworkers are less important than their our work so as to avoid getting too attached before they leave.

We avoid the end, even though we know it will come some day.

But there is another way.

The second way to look at others is to see them for what they are: body and soul, both meant to be everlasting. Each human being was given a soul, and each person is going to enter in to eternity some day. Each person is meant to be in Heaven some day, and in fact, the Catholic Church has yet to say that anyone is in Hell.

“Perhaps this is why he was away from you for a while, that you might have him back forever” ~Philemon 1:15

Everyone will be together some day, should they choose that reality.

What if we looked at people as though they were a part of our forever?

It is so easy to start talking to someone with the awareness that the end is upon us. I remember meeting people in my final semester of college and thinking to myself that it would make little sense to grow to them. However, it was my decision to try to grow closer to them that allowed me to survive Cell Biology, and I still speak to those people today.

Dear Reader, when you encounter another human being, you are encountering another infinite being, a soul that you will some day share eternity with.

To know anyone is to have the opportunity to step out of time and in to God’s time, or Kairos, if you want to go greek about it. No matter the chronological time we have with this person, they will be a part of our eternity. God gives us people to taste Heaven.

If we choose to love those around us with all of our hearts, then we get to enter in to eternity, even for a little bit.

Do not be afraid to love with all of your hearts Dear Readers. Do not be afraid of the amount of measurable time you have with those around you. Do not be afraid to let your heart be broken, and let it break open to all that is to come. You have been blessed with so many infinities that your heart would burst should you understand the magnitude of that blessing.

To bring it back to the original point, the “Holiday Season” does not just remind us of the ending of the year.

This season, more traditionally refered to as Christmas Season, is the greatest reminder of all. This season, more traditionally known as Advent, is a time where we are reminded of the coming of Jesus Christ in to this world. We know the story of His coming to be one of us so that He may give His life for us.

Jesus’ birth reminds us that God came so that we could be with Him forever in Heaven. To rephrase my favorite Bible verse a tad…Perhaps Jesus was away from Heaven for a while so that He could be with God forever, so that we could be with God forever.

More importantly, this time of Advent reminds us that no matter how small our lives may seem, no matter how little time we seem to have with others, that there is always going to be a future. God takes our little lives and makes them greater than we could ever imagine. It does not matter what the time is here on Earth, whether it be a semester or 33 years, our lives can change.

So let us take chances. Let us fall in love. Let us let go of the lives that must move forward.

But let us never forget that people will always be with us and that we should be grateful for whatever time we may spend with them. Let us never forget that the risk of heartache should never impede us from sharing the gift of love.

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” ~John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

What It Means to Love

People suck.

Or so the internet says.

Our world of screens has taken us from connecting to people around us to merely connecting on a few shared memes and clever captions. This is partially because the internet allows us to stay inside and hide our vulnerabilities. I have spoken to this before, as have many other bloggers.

The aspect that we tend to forget about social media is not that we can hide our flaws or quirks, but rather it is that everyone else is editing their comments, their photos, and their friend list. We can hide people we do not like, and we can even exclude people from seeing our statuses. And as much as we don’t want to think about it, everyone lives in their own created social media with their own preferences. 

These preferences are autonomous. That means that no one can create this social world other than the one sitting behind the screen.

We cannot do this in real life.

In real life, we have to interact with people that bother us. In real life, information that we share in a public space is open for all to hear. In real life, we have to see a full person on that specific day. They can’t just “go offline” for a day or two when they are not in the mood to crack a joke or share our opinion. Real life requires true communication and real connection.

But we’ve lost that ability to our own created worlds.

Why try to make the world better when we have a completely comfortable one in our iPhone? More importantly, how could we ever make the real world as wonderful as our created world?

The answer is simple, but it takes effort to make possible: help others become the best-versions-of-themselves. Help people become the funny, happy, and opinionated face you see on the internet.

I am not saying that you just make people smile.

No… You have to help them become truly happy. We have to be willing to step outside of our little boxes and help people find what they truly love and accept that love. Everyone has something good in their heart. Everyone has something that they were made to do, to love, and to be. Deep in each heart is a longing that we can help them satisfy.

But we cannot do it on our own, no matter what social media may try to tell us.

We need people to help us find that happiness, no matter how scary it is.

To help someone realize their true selves is not an easy task. It is an incredible risk because you are not only going outside of yourself to aid someone, but you are also tapping in to the most vulnerable aspect of themselves. The potential to lose what we truly love is terrifying. So yes, it is a risk to go for what we want most, but there is no other way to achieve the joy we are longing for in the end.

Therefore, we must be willing to take the risk to love those around us.

We must be willing to empathize with those who are different from us and help them find where they need to go. No matter the cost.

Trust me. It is worth it.

Allow me to share an example. Last week my friends decided to go to the Grad School’s annual semi-formal. What with my cold, and me being a melodramatic sick person, I paid no attention to the plans. Even though I had been wanting to go to a dance again for several years, I did not have the confidence to buy the ticket and attend the event. Instead I made plans to section livers, have a mild allergic reaction, and perhaps get some extra sleep.

How depressing.

My friends were not having it. They constantly asked me about the dance. Not in a rude way or in an egging on sort of way, but more as a reminder. They reminded me that I loved to dance and that I should be able to share that with people other than the unfortunate soul who walks in to lab on a late Sunday evening.

Eventually I decided to go to the dance.

But it was sold out.

That did not stop my friends. In fact, they even asked the people at the front desk if I could just pay my way in. By the grace of God, my friends went above and beyond to help me attend an event that would make me smile.

It was one of the greatest nights of graduate school, just because I got to dance with my friends.

And I am still smiling.

Now all I want to do is give back to them. I want to find what makes them smile and help them become a part of that. I want to share experiences with the people God has given me to get through this life. Not because I have something to prove or need to repay my friends for their kind acts.

All I want is to love as I have been loved.

This experience is part of a much greater desire that rests in my heart. Ever since I was a young child, all I have wanted is to make others smile. I live to make people laugh. The small smile that slides up someone’s face after an hour of crying is arguably the most beautiful facial expression. It signifies a hope that would otherwise be lost. The joy we receive from hope in the darkness, that is the meaning of community and connection. To love is to bring hope and joy where it would otherwise be absent.

Love forces us in to the darkness with nothing more than a small candle.

The flame leaps off the candle and sets the world ablaze.

But only if we let it.

Where does this love come from though? After all, it is difficult to start a fire without the proper tools, and it is even more difficult to do so in the dark. It is even more difficult if you do not know how to start the fire.

The best part is that we do not set this fire on our own.

The love that lights the little flame in our hearts, the same flame that draws us to other people, even the people we hate, came from the One who made us. It came from Someone who would rather die than watch us suffer. It came from the One who loves us, even in the midst of our greatest darkness.

That love came from Christ.

“Our God is the God who comes.” ~Bishop Kevin C. Rhoades

That love came from the Man who came down from Heaven, in to the darkness, in to death, and in to our worst lives so that we could find our true selves. Jesus came to this earth, far from where He was expected, and He gave His life so that we could come Home to Him.

He came as a little baby, to a virgin mother, and was not anywhere near expected.

He felt pain and sorrow, but He took it up every day because He loves us.

You know the most amazing part of this? Jesus did not force us to love Him back. In fact, He got up on the Cross knowing that there would be people who rejected Him then and in our present day. Jesus loves us so much that He was willing to sacrifice Himself for those who ultimately reject Him.

That love is what is in our hearts, calling us out to those in darkness. It is that love that tells us to live our best lives for others. When we accept this love, we can set the world ablaze.

An understanding soul I met this semester shared this insight before Confirmation yesterday about what happens when we allow the love Christ to transform our hearts:

“You want to win the whole world to Jesus, and you want to serve Him however He calls you, no mater what it costs.”

This love is what draws me to new people, new places, and new experiences each day. However, because I am flawed like anyone else, I tend to forget that. I know that I am a joyful and open person, but sometimes I let my fear of the darkness hide that joy and hide my heart.

But the love that Christ put on my heart will never leave.

Because He will never leave.

He is whispering to your heart every day that He loves you and that He will never leave you. Whether you can hear Him or not, Jesus is there in your heart, loving you every moment of your life.

He is there, in the eyes of the beautiful souls He has given you.

I still pause when I see Him in the eyes of those around me. I forget every word, and I wish I could share just how much it means to me to hear Christ’s love in their eyes, but I cannot find the proper words. All I can do is smile and thank them by living the best life I can. Thank you to the souls who have taught me how to pause and let God love me through them.

I pray that I can do the same in return.

So Dear Reader, after you look up from this post, I would like you to look at the beautiful souls you have been entrusted with. Look at them with love. Take the time to notice what would make them truly happy. If that means you have to break their hearts, then tell them. If that means you have to encourage them to try something new, then offer to walk with them. If that means giving up your esteemed position in society, then humble yourself to raise someone up.

There are challenges and roadblocks to love. We may be rejected. However, whatever love we are willing to share will change the world.

Not only will your world be a little brighter, but it will no longer be just your own little world behind a screen.

It will be more like Heaven, the Home we will be together in on the last day.