Loving Home

I used to hate bringing people home when I was younger.

It was not because I did not want my friends to meet my family. If anything, I wanted every single friend to know my parents and siblings and pets. In a perfect world, my friends would not need to come to my house to meet my family, and we could all be friends.

The reason why I did not want to bring people home was because I did not want to change the norm of my household.

I did not want home to change.

For the ADHD child without a diagnosis, nor any clue that a diagnosis was necessary, the stable structure of a Team Newton evening was my greatest comfort. I knew that when I got home that I would put my backpack in the closet, have a snack, play with my siblings, go to dance, and when I got home we would have family prayers.

No matter what happened around me, I knew that I would go home to a family with love, order, chaos, and faith.

Why then would allow anyone to change the wonderful little Heaven that was Team Newton Stadium?

After all…my siblings needed that structure too. How could I let their beautiful lives be disrupted by the strange set of folks I always seemed to find?

I think a lot of us share in this sort of struggle Dear Readers. Perhaps it is not our physical homes, but I believe that many of us struggle with allowing others to change our lives. We do not want to let people disrupt our social order. We do not want people to change the relationships we have, nor do we want to accomodate our comfort for the sake of growing with another person.

Even moreso, we do not want to disrupt the lives of our closest friends and family with the soul we encountered.

Especially if we are not sure how long we will know these people.

A good example of this fear comes from an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Ted Mosby, the protagonist, brings a new girl to Lily’s birthday party. Lily is outraged because Ted keeps “ruining” group photos by insisting that his new girlfriends are in the photo. She claims that these women are less than important because they did not stay in his life for very long. However, Ted is able to convince Lily that maybe this woman may become his future wife. That group photo could be the first image of many that the group will share.

Ironically, Ted forgets the girl’s name by Lily’s next birthday.

However, Lily will never forget the hope in Ted’s heart, and that is what makes the difference. The fact that Ted had enough courage to allow this woman in to their social order is what allows Lily to grow in her understanding of what her friend group could be. She grows to understand why Ted continues to believe in love, even though he fails over and over and over again.

This hope is what allows Lily to later encourage Ted that his future wife is on her way, just when Ted had given up all hope.

So maybe it’s not a bad idea to let our hope, our friendships, our struggles, our dreams, our failures, all of it, be a part of our everyday lives for all to see.

I came to understand this as my understanding of “Home” changed.

I realized that home is not a place, but rather it is the love of a family. Love, being from God, cannot be defined by a location. Love is not bound up in a group chat, a house, nor a city. Love is a binding force, an action, a will that cannot be ignored forever.

My family is with me wherever I go.

Therefore, each person I allow in to my heart is allowed to share in the love found in Team Newton.

This became easier for me to see as technology became a bigger part of society. Even though my family is not friends with my friends on Facebook, they can still see the interactions we share on the internet. Even though my family is not Snapping my friends, they can still see the uncommon delight of a streak going for nearly two years. We know about the souls encountered by the other members of Team Newton, and these encounters are felt by everyone.

Each member of Team Newton grows through the experiences each member faces. Each of us learns from the friendships, both the good and the bad, and we help one another grow in love.

I’ll give a joyful example.

At one point, I liked a young man who was not Christian and wrapped up in Earthly pleasures. My mother heard about our interactions quite a bit, and it was clear to her (and all of Team Newton actually) that he was not the right man for me. He might have cared for me as a friend, but he did not consider my soul, nor did he consider my femininity when interacting with me. 

For reasons I still do not know, I moved on to a Catholic gentleman. As I recounted the surprisingly fewer details about this young man to my mother, she stopped me to say:

“I can tell that you are experiencing something more than with those other boys. Even if you never date, I am happy to hear what God is doing in your voice.”

And somehow my siblings, who knew even less, could say the same.

I am speaking mostly about my family because that is where I feel the most loved. It is where I know that I am safe and where I can grow in love. However, love is not bound by our human relationships either. So if you do not have the same sort of home as I do, Dear Reader, do not dismay. Love can be seen in many communities.

And if love is freely given, then the shared experiences we hold in our hearts is not bound by biology.

Just as Lily was moved by Ted’s hope, so too are our friends moved by our decisions and the souls that we allow in to our hearts. If our friends truly love us, then they will see both the good and the bad.

This brings me back to my original fear: what if the people we let in to our lives hurt us? What if there is not a positive ending and we waste valuable time loving those who may never give us love in return? If my friends and family truly love me, then will I risk disturbing their joy by bringing others in?

The answer is a resounding no.

No matter what you do, the people you encounter will always enter your social circle. Whether they remain for a long time or leave after a five minute interaction, each soul leaves an impression on your heart. Each interaction changes how you act, how you react, how you live. Therefore, your loved ones will always experience these encounters.

However, if we refuse to share for fear of wasting time, then we give our loved ones less to go on. We waste future time by having to explain it all later.

Loving others is never a waste of time. In fact, sometimes the people you bring in do not change your heart, but rather they help your loved ones grow in love.

I experienced this truth at Christmas Eve Mass this year.

“Grace!” Penelope, the youngest of the family, squealed with delight as her friend from school came in to the church. By some odd turn of events, Grace and her little sister Emma joined Team Newton for Mass. Their parents sat in front of our family. At first the older children were a little skeptical about adding a 5 year old and a 3 year old to the already jam-packed pew, but we could not deny the delight we saw on their faces.

The three year old, Emma, sat next to me. She was a little shy, and it was pretty late for a little girl to be at Mass. However, after we shared a few words and I sang the Gloria with her, Emma smiled at me and sat as close to me as she could.

In a Catholic Mass, there are two parts where a long prayer is said: The Nicene Creed and The Our Father. Many people, myself included, hold hands in the Our Father, but no one holds hands in the Nicene Creed.

Now little Emma was not exactly sure where we were in Mass, but she knew that we were standing up for a prayer, and she knew that you hold hands in the Our Father. With confidence one would never expect to come from the shy little three year old, Emma grasped my hand and smiled at me.

She held my hand through the Nicene Creed.

She did not let go when she realized it was the wrong prayer. If anything, Emma grasped my hand even more tightly.

After Mass, the mother thanked me for helping with the girls. She claimed that I was “a whisperer,” and thanked me over and over. I laughed, not because I was being polite, but because I was surprised by how easy it was for me to love on these little girls. All I had known was that they were Penelope’s friends. I knew that my sister loved them, so I loved them.

I have always had a gift with children, but without access to young children, it had been harder for me to see my vocation as a mother realized.

However, Emma’s little hand in mine, tightening in her anxiety and trusting in me, reminded me that I was still on the right path.

That was one of the greatest gifts God could have given me.

It was all because Penelope welcomed those girls in.

Now there is a greater challenge that I have to speak to, one that most Christians are uncomfortable with: we have to start sharing our love with the world. We have to stop being comfortable with the structure of our churches, the order of our Bible Studies, the certainty of our social gatherings. God loves every person, regardless of where they come from.

Shouldn’t they be allowed to come our home in Heaven with us?

Shouldn’t they be allowed to hold our hands and remind us of who we are?

Like I said, home is not bound by location; it is bound by love. We can always invite others to a church service or Mass, but perhaps we need to start with something even more uncomfortable. We need to start with the love God gave us. We need to realize that He loves us, all of us, and we have to be willing to share that love with others. Not just other Christians, but also those who have given up on God due to suffering, those who reject him due to intellectual debate, and those who would never hear His name otherwise.

Even if they reject us, even if they hate us, even if we are hurt…the pain will not last.

Why?

Because loving another soul is never a waste of time.