Monday, October 23, 2017

You Deserve Joy

364 days ago a little girl wearing a purple peacoat with matching hands sat on a swingset at 9:47pm when it was 42 degrees outside. On a hopeless mission to maintain something she overworked and overestimated, her heart sank as the temperature in her hands drew the purple in to a light shade of blue. She shivered from the fever she was running, and she ached from the cold surrounding her.

10:04pm came around, and that little girl made a choice.

She chose joy.

She chose joy at the expense of her happiness.



That last sentence may come as a surprise to some of my Dear Readers. In today’s society, we often use joy and happiness interchangeably. I have spoken about this previously, but I would like to combine the notion that happiness and joy are not one and the same with another theme that has been appearing in this blog and in my journal entries for the past few months.


Just as a refresher, happiness is a feeling. It is a chemical change in the brain in response to a positive stimulus. For example, happiness comes when we eat our favorite food, drink our favorite beverage, go to an amazing concert, or watch our favorite team win a rivalry game.

But happiness is not sustainable.



The sad truth about biology is that nothing stays the same forever. We all know about how drug addicts require more and more drugs to maintain their high. The same goes for happiness. Because the receptors for the chemical release are at a specific concentration and are regulated specifically, we cannot maintain this same rush for the entirety of our lives.

Happiness is transient.

But that is not a bad thing.



The film Inside Out reflects the value of having all emotions in our hearts. For the majority of the film, Sadness is identified as a villian of sorts. Everyone in Riley’s mind is trying to keep Sadness away, and no one really understands why Sadness even wants to be a part of their community. That is, until the end of the movie.

Sadness reveals why the saddest moments of Riley’s life are her favorite.


It’s not because Riley is sad. It is because when Riley is experiencing sadness, she is also experiencing love. Her family and friends and imaginary friend come to her aid in the thick of her sorrow. Riley’s sadness allowed her to see the love of those closest to her more clearly.

And with the love of her family, Riley can smile again.

That is something that Riley will never be able to forget: the love she received.


That is where joy comes in. Joy is not a feeling, but rather is a choice to acknowledge one’s well-being. Joy is the choice to recognize that even in the most difficult times that there is something to have hope in, something to believe in, something to work towards.

Joy does not require happiness.

Joy requires love.


Now there are two aspects to love: giving and receiving. Both of these aspects are essential to finding joy in this life.


To give love is to will the good of another. This means that when we love someone that we help them see that all is well. By the gift of love, we reveal the light in the darkness, we open tearful eyes, we improve the overall health of one’s heart. This heart, in time, will be brought to joy because it is aware that there are far greater things than the pain in this present life.

We love others, and we bring them closer to Heaven.



Whether you Dear Reader believe in God, your love is what draws others closer to Him. It doesn’t matter who gives the love because it is not our’s to give. Love comes from God.

That is why we do not lose anything when we love someone.

The love isn’t ours’ to give.




It is particularly easy to give love to people we agree with. It is even easier to give love to those who are kind and loving and easy to like. However, these souls are not the ones who need love the most. The souls that require love are those that are disagreeable, unknind, and overall uncomfortable to be around.

They struggle just like we do.

And if we love our enemies, we can bring joy to their lives.



The light that once filled the darkness will not only remind the soul we loved of their overall well-being, but it will also remind us of our own worth. To love our enemies allows us to see the dramatic contrast between the darkness of this world and the light of Heaven. That is why we need to give love just as much as we need to receive it.

But that takes a risk.



It is scary to put our hearts in harm’s way. Whether that be in a person we do not know, like I spoke of last week, or if it is through sharing our stories with those who need it most, the potential suffering which comes from giving our hearts can be terrifying. Could we really experience joy by risking our hearts? Could a sacrifice be worth it?

The simple answer is yes.

The more difficult answer to swallow is this:




Now, if you look at that image, you are faced with the second aspect of love: receiving.

Receiving love is difficult for many people. It is not because we do not wish to be loved, nor is it because we are unworthy of love. Many of us are unwilling to trust that the love is real. We are unwilling to believe that this love could really be there for us.

The thing is…

If we do not receive love, then we can never truly understand joy.



In order to receive love, we have to understand how to trust. This takes occurs in multiple stages

First, we have to trust that there is good in this world. Just because everyone is spreading nasty rumors about you or flip you off in traffic or hate your belief system does not mean that everyone is harsh, impatient, or spiteful.


Second, we have to trust that we have people who love us. Many of them will come in times of joy, but the ones that stick with you through it all are the faithful friends.

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” ~Sirach 6:14


Third, we have to have people who will never leave. A family. My family is always there for me. They will love me no matter what, and I love them no matter. With them, my heart is filled with joy.


Fourth, we have to believe that we are able to receive love and that we deserve love in its fullest.



If someone loves you with pure intentions, trust that their actions are good. Maybe you know them very well, or maybe they are a complete stranger. It does not matter who loves you. If pure love is present, then you are safe. There is no reason to completely close ourselves off from love.



I know that many of my Dear Readers have been hurt.

I know this because I have been hurt by many unkind souls. We all have been hurt.

You were not hurt because you were not worthy of love. You are a beautiful and dignified Child of God who deserves the very best. If you were hurt, then that love was imperfect. If you were lowered by the soul you interacted with, then you were not loved as you were intended to be loved.

But that does not mean that you were never loved in the fullest.



There is One who loves you for who you are, where you are, and whenever you find Him. He will not leave because He is eternal. He is waiting at the door, asking for you to let Him in. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, He will love you. He will protect you. He has held you in the palm of His hand.

That is why you know what love is.

It is not because you found love in the little moments.


It was because there was One who could put love in the loveless places. He placed Himself in your heart and whispered “it is ok” over and over again. He was the one who told you that it was ok to love, to take the risk, to believe that there was good in this world. Whether you choose to believe it or not, He is there, and He loves you for all you are, were, and will become.

And with that sort of love, all is well in the end.

With Him, we can choose joy.



At 10:02pm, the girl in the purple peacoat made the Sign of the Cross with shaking hands. She knew that what was to come would not be easy. She knew that she would be lonely. She knew that she would make mistakes. She knew that there would be many trials in the years to come, but she did not care.

Life was more than a swingset, a 450 mile distance from home, a poor understanding of biology.

Life was made for love to exist.


10:04pm, 42 degrees, and the girl slid off the swingset and walked to the Green Nissan Rogue. She cried. She yelled at her God about the loneliness that followed her to her lab bench. She tossed and turned in her bed, unable to answer any of her own questions.

But she knew it was going to be ok.

God protected her for her entire life. Why would this time be any different?


364 days later at 12:07pm, 54 degrees and raining, the girl sits at her lab bench. Her phone is buzzing from her Sacramental Prep group chat. The basement of the Biology department is blessed with many smiles, discoveries, and souls. Projects and people that rocked the girl’s happiness were overcome and a poster hung in the hallway because of those moments.


“In order to be a stronger person, you need to survive an un-happy period” 
~Dr. Kevin T Vaughan.

The girl may not have been happy every moment, but she had joy in her heart. That is why she is here, and that is why she can succeed.


Joy is possible, even if happiness is difficult sometimes.

Give Love

Receive Love.

Choose Joy.



You deserve it.

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