As a scientist, I particularly enjoy tangible things. Although I love to think and contemplate spiritual and emotional matters, there is something beautifully human about physical experiences. Therefore, some of my absolute favorite experiences are those which share spiritual love and physical love in the same space.
Basically, holding hands at Mass and giving hugs at the Sign of Peace.
In these past two weeks, I’ve had three particularly good experiences that I would like to share.
I. Junior Class Mass
The 5:15pm Mass was filled with students I had never seen before. This did not bother me much; the evening Mass is replaced with a celebratory Mass all the time. Building dedications, Feast days, whatever we could celebrate, there was a good chance that would take place at the 5:15pm Mass.
But this was the Junior Class Mass.
I was a third year grad student, dressed in my gym clothes, surrounded by well-dressed juniors in undergrad. If I had ever felt a little uncomfortable in Mass, it was that moment.
We got to the Sign of Peace.
I turned to the girl in front of me with my hand held out in front of me. That’s just what one does when they encounter someone they don’t know. However, this girl just looked down at my hand with a confused face, pushed my hand aside, and threw her arms around me in a huge hug.
It was completely unexpected.
This girl did not allow me to accept less than I deserved. She saw a person in need of love, and she was unafraid to share that love with me. There have been so many times where I wanted to just give someone a hug, but I was worried that I would make them uncomfortable. After all, moments like these tend to be a bit uncomfortable.
Sometimes love is uncomfortable, but we should not settle for less out of fear.
Because loving a little one is never a loss.
II. Long Time No See
I was walking in to work early one morning. From the distance I could see a friend of mine walking in to class. He was too far to say hello to, but I paused for a moment. I hadn’t seen this friend since the summer. I wouldn’t say I missed him so much as I remembered how weird it was not seeing him at church.
That afternoon, I sat down to journal before Mass. I opened up my journal, flipped my hair, and looked up.
Walking in was that friend.
“Hey!” I tried not to raise my voice as I ran up to give him a hug. It was a long hug, the sort that starts to feel a little uncomfortable after two seconds. However, there was something in me that said that maybe I should just hold on until my friend let go. It was midterms after all.
Turns out he really needed the hug.
Again, it was awkward, but that hug was exactly what my friend needed that day. He needed a physical reminder that someone was there, that he belonged, that everything was going to be ok. I didn’t need the hug, but he did.
It was such a small act on my part, but it forced me to go outside of myself.
That’s what love is all about: sacrificing oneself for others. That hug forced me to sacrifice my own comfort for the sake of another person. The hug didn’t mean anything more than “I’m here, and you are loved.”
But sometimes that’s all we need.
To know that there are people who are there for us and that we are truly loved.
III. Community
It was a standard Tuesday morning Mass. I managed to get some time out of my schedule to get to church. Without the normal evening mass, the 11:30am was a bit more full. My heart sank a little bit as more and more people started to meet up with their friends, leaving me alone in the pew yet again.
Thankfully I knew my angel would be there with me anyways, so I slid to the center of the pew so I wouldn’t be totally alone in the pew.
I felt a pit in my stomach as a group of young men slid in to the pew behind me, all quietly whispering to one another before the liturgy. I didn’t look to see who they were, but I wanted to be a part of their community.
When we got to the Sign of Peace, I thought that I would have to stand alone for a while before someone remembered to wish me peace.
I turned slowly to see that the group of young men were the Holy Cross Seminarians.
One of them was one of the seminarians teaching RCIA this year, who I have just started talking to after class.
He saw me standing alone, pushed past his friends, and threw his arms around me. After we exchanged “peace be with you’s,” my friend pulled back and smiled at me. He looked in to my eyes, which probably were reflecting the lonesomeness I have felt in the pews for so long, and he added:
“It’s good to see you.”
I think sometimes we are so focused on the people we already love that we forget the people who we have just started to share life with. We think that we cannot take extra time to love people we hardly know because it “might be weird” or “they might not like it.” However, it was that small moment, that moment of being chosen over the established community and welcomed in, that showed me how much I belonged within the Church.
Love is not our’s to give my Dear Readers. It is Christ’s way of speaking in to the hearts of His beloved children.
Yes, we most certainly need to pay special attention to our families, our good friends, and other deep relationships, but we need to remember that each soul we encounter is thirsting for Jesus in their hearts.
And sometimes we need to go outside of ourselves to love a soul in need.
Maybe that’s why so many people are leaving the Church and saying "I don't feel like I belong.”
We’re so focused on our own comfort, on our own spiritual lives, on our own desires, that we do not stop to look at the soul in front of us. We choose to shake their hand when our arms are held out to give a hug. We choose to let go after a second to avoid mixed signals when a soul might really need love. We choose to only embrace those we know well when a soul might not have received a hug in months.
Think about the elderly folks, the widows and widowers who once had a soul to stand beside at church. No one is giving them a hug. Maybe they need it.
Think about the young adults, the kids who had a strong faith community but now are trying to figure out where they belong in the Church without a specific title. Maybe they need to be reminded that they belong.
I love hugs because they ground us to one another. They remind us that we truly belong to that community, that we are special, that we are needed. They give us a chance to show someone that we love them, that we belong to the same family.
Thank you to the souls who hugged me these past few weeks. You have done me a great service.
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