Peace Be With You

“Peace be with you.”

Such a simple little phrase, and yet it means so much. This Sunday, the pews around me were so empty that a woman had to walk across the aisle to give me a sign of peace at the last minute. It was such a small gesture, but it meant the world to me.

I did not need the peace for the sake of our hurting Church.

As I said last week, the scandals have not shaken my faith. As Saint Peter said in the Gospel this Sunday, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) The Lord always provides me with guidance and love, despite the lonesome feeling I’ve had in the pit of my stomach ever since the beginning of the summer.

Why did I need to receive a sign of peace?

Because I needed a reminder that even in the chaos and stresses of this life that all is well, that I am saved, that I am unconditionally loved, that I am where I am supposed to be.

One of the most frustrating things to hear as a young adult is that “you will just feel peace when you get where you need to go.”

Yes, there is a sense of belonging, a sense of peace, a sense of well-being when we find our calling, but it is not all sunshine and rainbows. However, that does not mean that everything is going to be easy. 

If anything, finding where we are supposed to be leads us down a challenging yet rewarding path. Finding your place is not finding your happy ending. It is finding Christ’s yoke for you. It’s a light burden, but it is a burden nonetheless.

Just because you are doing what you are supposed to do does not mean that you will “feel” peace at all times.

As most of my Dear Readers know, I am currently preparing for my Written Exams that start next week. Writtens test your ability to synthesize information from each of your committee members’ fields, design experiments for questions in those fields, and apply that knowledge back to your own research. Because I enjoy reading and spend time talking to my friends about their projects, I have heard nothing but confidence from my peers. Even my advisor has told me that he wasn’t worried about my exams.

But writtens are difficult.

Even though I love research and developing hypotheses, I do not know the first thing about macropinocytosis or dimerization without coiled-coil segments. I know about a specific protein doing a specific job in a specific organelle.

I know that I know nothing.

They say that’s the first step, but it doesn’t exactly make the studying all that much easier.

Just because you know that you belong somewhere does not mean that you will not have to face significant challenges, have to jump hurdles, or be challenged. If anything, it is the fact that you are where you belong that will challenge you.

The world does not want you to be content because they are not content.

So you are called to mediocrity, you are called to hide your passions, you are told to “take it easy” when you are comfortable pushing just a bit further.

Peace is not a feeling of comfort. It is a quiet confidence that all is well, a reminder that you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. To be peaceful does not mean that you will not be in the midst of a battle. No. If anything, true peace comes when you are fighting against the world, against your inner-self, against anything that tries to tell you that you have to stop trying, to stop believing, to stop being who you were made to be.

Like joy, peace is a state of being, a state that we can share with anyone at any time.

It is forgiving our failings and those of others, trusting that we are going to get where we belong some day…together.

But what do we do when our hope is spent and we just want to give up? What do we do when our peace is stolen from us by our fears and failings?

Do we lose our place?

No.

The quiet confidence which comes with peace is a grace from God. As I have said time and time again, God does not take His gifts away. Sometimes He re-wraps them and places them in a new location for when we are willing to find it again, but oftentimes it is our own blindness which hides His gifts from us. However, as soon as we cry out to Him, God starts to work in our world.

Because we’re not alone in the fight.

Our Jesus is fighting for us, every moment of our lives.

Yes, it is true that Our Lord is here, fighting for us in every battle. He gave us our mission, and He will do everything and anything to ensure our happiness. Jesus wants us to be our most real selves, and we can only do so if we are living the lives He made for us.

He knows that no career is easy. He grew up as a carpenter’s son after all.

He knows that no relationship vocation is easy. He grew up as a child conceived out of wedlock and lived a celibate lifestyle.

However, Jesus also knows that the challenges associated with each life, each cross we bear, is a gift. Regardless of the struggle, we are sanctified by each and every one of them. Each hurdle in the workplace gives us a chance to be patient and to practice our God-given talents. Each abnormality or conflict in a relationship gives us a chance to love fully and unconditionally.

We become who we were made to be through fighting the battles God allows us to fight for Him.

And we’re never fighting alone.

It’s no secret that Sundays have been particularly lonely for me. After having an academic year with a community filled with support and love for the strange little soul I am, there is nothing more painful than walking in to Mass without a single soul to sit with. Even though I knew it would be difficult, I went to the same Mass I used to attend with Short Course.

This Mass was not only difficult because I was lonely, but it was also difficult because another press release about the sex scandals had just come out. These included actions taken by Pope Francis that could not be ignored.

With tearful eyes, I watched our priest struggle through the Liturgy.

I could see the tears in his eyes as he held up the Blessed Sacrament, tears that were so small that few souls in the congregation would be able to see his heartache.

It was then that I realized that I was not the only lonely soul in the room. Even if the priest has a concelebrant, he is still standing alone with the Eucharist in his hands. He leads us and reminds us all to have hope, even in his own heartache. If anyone could feel alone, it would be our priests.

So I gave what little I had.

I smiled up to Heaven during the Offertory and whispered a small prayer. I prayed for the priests, and I prayed that I would live out my own vocation outside of the consecrated life as best I can so as to give them hope.

I looked up to the Crucifix which hung over the priest, and as I did so, I noticed something.

He was smiling at me.

We regain our peace when we remember the joy our actions give to others. Even if we are tired and do not know if we are doing the right thing, all we have to do is look around us. When we are fighting the fight Our Lord entrusted to us, then there will be a sense of joy in the world. We might not feel the joy, but that is ok. Our gifts are not given to us to be kept to ourselves.

Our gifts, our vocations, our dreams, our passions, our goals…they’re to bring Heaven to Earth.

Dear Reader, you have so much to hope for in this life. Our Lord is fighting with and for you every moment of your life. You are called to greatness, and you are going to change the world. Maybe all you will do is give a little smile to a little soul, but that gift will mean more to Heaven than you could ever know.

So maybe there is something that you know brings joy to the world, but you are scared that it will be difficult.

Fight for it.

Maybe there is something that you found, but it seems too perfect for someone as broken as you are.

Fight for it.

May my prayers, however small and weak they may be, serve you in your battles. I thank God each and every day for the opportunity to share my stories with all of y’all, and I pray that you all find some peace in my words.

Peace be with you Dear Reader.

I love you.